Post Date December, 02 2023
My first marriage failure was my fault
I got married quite early and got married at the age of 26. But to be honest, it was for the purpose of getting married early and distributing rooms well, so before we could fully feel the joy of love, we hurriedly got a marriage certificate.
Soon we had children, and there wasn't much communication between my ex wife and me. At the age of 30, I changed my job and entered the sales department of a public institution. That was when the market economy was just starting, and all of our products were in short supply. I did a good job and socialized more, and I often socialized with my colleagues. At that time, it was my fault for being too young and immature. I had a crush on another female colleague at work, and gradually my "lace" story caught my wife's attention. In addition, my long-term lack of care for her family also hurt her heart. After her initial anger, she chose another way to retaliate against me - she also had a so-called "lover" outside. Our family finally can't go down, she wants a divorce. When I got divorced, I knew I was sorry for her. As compensation, I gave her all our property back then.
My daughter was 5 years old at that time, and I was only 32 years old. Many people advised me to let my daughter follow her mother, which would be better for me in the future. But I don't want to. Why? Because I have always had a heart attack, a secret that I never told anyone: I was my mother's illegitimate child, and later my mother finally got married, but the other family refused to accept me marrying with her. My mother had no choice but to rent a small house in "Xiajiao" far from home and put me, who was only three years old, inside. My grandmother passed away early, and my mother had no choice but to sneak over to see me once a week. My child is now in his teens, but the thought of my childhood makes my heart ache. At that time, I didn't even know how I managed to survive. My neighbors pitied me and often gave me a hundred family meals without taking a bite. I lay alone in the room and felt scared, so I told my mother; Mom coaxed me and said, 'I'm not afraid, I'll be with you.'. So she sat by my bed and fanned me to sleep. But when I wake up every morning with the first thought of finding my mother, she's not there anymore.
But I don't hate my mother at all. Now that I have a child myself, I think about how my mother used to carefully hide from her husband's family and how she rushed back through the stars and months, only feeling that my mother was even more bitter. Because of her guilt towards me, my mother always tries her best to fulfill my demands. I wanted a new pair of sneakers when I was in elementary school, and my mother used the money she secretly sold blood to buy them for me. But although my mother tried her best to show me more love, I inevitably felt a deep sense of loneliness. I don't want my fate to be repeated on my daughter. I'm worried that if she marries with her mother, she may face discrimination. It's better to stay by my side and I'll take care of it myself. I firmly do not want my daughter to leave scars like mine in her life.
Divorce again for my daughter
After the first divorce, I walked together with that female colleague. It should be said that we did have love before. However, our marriage did not last long, because when we were just in love, we couldn't come into contact with the real things and felt that being with each other was already the happiest thing. And when she and I really wanted to get married, our dispute began. Because she insists that I give up my daughter, her reason is: "Even a mother can not have her own daughter, why do you want this drag on? If you love me, don't let me see your daughter again
But I can't do it. At that time, my feelings for her were also sincere, but I knew too well the taste of a child abandoned by my biological parents. My parents thought my children didn't understand, but those lonely memories lingered in my life. I firmly do not want my daughter to live like this again, because I have already lived like this.
But she didn't understand and didn't want to. After two years of marriage, we still couldn't reach an agreement on my daughter's matter. She said that if I loved her, I would give up everything from the past, including my daughter; I said if she loves me, she will promise me one thing, which is to keep her daughter by her side. And when we were together, her evening maid face made her little daughter instinctively afraid. Finally, we parted hands.
After breaking up, I was in a bad mood and often went to a nearby restaurant to drown my sorrows, getting to know everyone inside. There is a waiter from outside who greets me warmly every time I go. The onlookers then joked, and we gradually got to know each other and started talking about love. But soon it turned out that she didn't love me at all. She had a husband and children in her hometown, but she lied to me that she was a divorced single woman, and the only purpose of lying to me was for money. After discovering her deception, I broke up with her in anger.
After several years, finally my fate came. Someone helped me introduce my current girlfriend, Xiao Ke. At that time, Xiaoke had just divorced and was unhappy alone, even quitting his job. After we got to know each other, we both had a great liking.
The most touching thing for me was my second illness. She was very anxious and went everywhere to seek medical advice. When she was by my side, she looked at me lying in bed with tears in her eyes, her dependent gaze as if she had lost her backbone. When I frowned and moaned in pain, she stared at me with such concentration and eagerness, and the light spread a gentle yellow halo on her shoulder. At that moment, she was so captivating to me. Half a life has passed, and although I have been in love before, I have never been so closely watched by a woman. At that moment, I truly realized how sincere her affection for me was. I couldn't help but tell Xiaoke all my experiences, including my difficult childhood, as they were. I talked all night until five o'clock in the morning; Xiao Ke listened all night and cried all night.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
