Post Date December, 03 2023
I think we have some problems recently. What do you think is the problem between us? I don't think you can understand what I want to say, which makes me think there is a gap between us. Let's increase the number of meetings! This will bring us closer to each other.
The above conversation may seem laughable to us directly, and we think that two people are talking at the same time, but in fact, the frequency of such things in real life is too high to make people laugh, especially lovers quarrel. When I have a couple around me, both of whom are my friends, I often find that they live in a parallel world. What A told me and what B told me seem to be two independent events. I can't find anything in common. What's more, one of A or B will insist that they are communicating.
Well, maybe they did a lot of formal communication, but the most important thing they did wrong was that they didn't discuss the definition of things and the reasons for the emotions. The definition and the reasons for generating emotions can be said to be the two most important elements of communication. When these two elements are not handled properly, all solutions will be futile.
We will explain these two points separately. Definition refers to everyone's understanding of the same word. Don't assume that everyone's definition of the same word is the same as yours. Misunderstandings are usually caused by differences in definitions. The most common difference in definition is waiting. When your boyfriend is downstairs to pick you up for a date, you may say to him: Wait a minute, I will go down right away., At this time, your boyfriend's understanding of waiting may be five minutes, but your waiting may include your time for dressing up and selecting clothes, which may add up to 30 minutes. So when you go downstairs, you find your boyfriend's face is very ugly, and you also feel very innocent, because you think you are dressed up to date with the other party, but your boyfriend feels that he has waited 25 minutes longer.
Here, another thing has been pulled out, which is called derivative emotion. When two people attach importance to something and have different projections and feelings about something, the emotions derived are very different. Your boyfriend may be angry because he expected to wait for five minutes, but he turned into thirty minutes. He thinks that you have no sense of time and are very angry. On the other hand, you think that you are trying your best to make him see the best you, so you spend so much time preparing and dressing up. So you feel angry about your boyfriend's anger, and think that he is not a girl. How can you know how long it takes for a girl to go out, and how can you go out when a boy is dressed. So the two of you started the first wave of arguments before the date. Your boyfriend is saying that you have no sense of time. You are saying that he has no sympathy and is not considerate at all. The two people are not right. The quarrel is not on the same line, so you will never reach a conclusion.
The inner analysis of men and women who quarrel
Well, because I understand that you really need to wait. I didn't expect that you need to do so many things. Well, can you tell me the approximate time next time, or tell me what you need to do, so that I can go and sit with the whole family while waiting for you. (Explain your own definition and that of the other party, and propose solutions to ask for assistance from the other party)
Oh, well, I'm sorry to keep you standing for so long
Well, the quarrel will be over, and the two people will not call home to tell the story of the parallel world to the same friend. At the same time, they have really dealt with the problem of waiting. It's really a joy for everyone. But of course, things can't be so smooth every time, because quarrels usually end up being divided into wins and losses, that is, the power struggle we mentioned in the long-term relationship, but this way can at least move forward in a more effective direction, rather than constantly beating the wall.
I hope that this explanation can help you understand the definition and the way to deal with emotions. By the way, the roles of men and women in the article have no implication or meaning for a certain gender. They are just looking for a common phenomenon. Please don't take the right seat and be grateful.
