Post Date December, 03 2023
I am 24 years old this year and work as a civil servant in a company. Recently, I was transferred to the logistics department as a cashier due to a job transfer. My colleagues in the logistics department are all from Shenyang. I met a client from Northeast China during my time as a cashier. At first, he often came to our stall to play, but I didn't pay attention to him at first. Later, he often came and I met him. I feel that he is quite good when chatting with him. Later on, I often go out to play, and I have some feelings for him, maybe it's my gap period.
I didn't fall in love again after two years of graduation, so I tried to date him because I was curious about sex, so I had sex with him for the first time. I am not someone with a virgin complex either. Later on, I moved in together and only realized that he had a girlfriend. Every time he's with me, that woman calls and he doesn't answer them, or he quickly hangs up after answering them, and he just hires me. Actually, I only dated that girlfriend from Shenyang a month ago and had sex with her after meeting her a few times. I was completely confused when I heard about it.
I never thought I would be a third party. Every time I hear his phone ring, I feel very scared. I'm afraid it's her phone, maybe it's because I'm feeling guilty. I keep telling myself that as long as he leaves Hainan in the second half of the year, I'll leave him immediately. He often takes me and his friends to play, and they all know he has a girlfriend, so they may take it for granted that I am with him. And they all say he is a playboy, he has a car and a house in Shenyang. The family conditions are good, and he is an old man who is also very delicate. In the end, when we argue, it's me who coaxs him, so he won't be angry. If I make it tough, he won't pay attention to me.
He was planning to open a bar here, but the renovation ended up exceeding the budget by a lot, so he borrowed money from everywhere. At that time, he asked me if I had any, and I gave him exactly 5000 yuan. He promised to pay me back. A few days before the bar was about to open, he suddenly told me that his girlfriend from Shenyang was coming over. In a fit of anger, I stopped living with him that day and no longer contacted him. But on the day his bar opened, he actually sincerely asked me to go, saying I must go. I don't know what mentality he was based on, knowing that I would see him with her when I went. Maybe I really wanted to give up, I really went.
Seeing them both together, they were very affectionate, so he treated me like an ordinary friend and treated me like a friend. I didn't stay for a few minutes before leaving. Later, I didn't want to talk to him anymore and didn't want him to pay me back any more money. But one night in the early morning when I was staying at a hotel, I was harassed by one of our superiors. I was very scared and called him. He came over in ten minutes. Later on, when I saw that I didn't have any, I said I had to leave. I also knew he was afraid of that woman, and I didn't keep him either. I think I can't be a lover or an enemy anyway, so I won't blame him anymore. Sometimes when he calls me to inquire about things, I also treat him as a regular friend.
We met before he returned to Shenyang. He smoked there and seemed very unhappy. He said he was very calm and depressed when he saw me. When he went home and went online, he saw me and said he was sorry for me and that I was too kind to him. When he was here, I helped him tidy up his room, wash his clothes, and take care of everything. He said he felt guilty towards me, but later we got together online. I usually talk a lot on the Internet, but he seldom says. On Qixi Day, I asked him to call me, and he did. I promised to call me once before, but I didn't call him. His phone numbers are set and it's difficult to call him. I can't find him unless he finds me.
He called me at about 10:30. When we talked online that morning on Qixi, he said that he would not go out with that Shenyang woman. I was very happy to hear that, but I didn't believe him after thinking about it. It's impossible to say that he called me after dating that woman first. He doesn't like wearing a condom when he's with me. But I am very attentive and this is the first time I am with a man. I asked him to bring it with me. I said what to do if I have a child, but he said I will get married if I have a child. He is 29 years old, but he said he doesn't want to get married. He said why should he get married? Many of his friends got married without any good results.
Once, he was urged by his parents to have a child for him, and I dealt with him verbally. However, I thought to myself, how could it be? He disappeared from chatting with me online one after another, and I foolishly waited for him online every day. Once I got angry, he said he couldn't always chat with me online. He will come again in November this year, and after he comes, we will be together again, but I want to leave this place and stay away from him. I want to let go of someone who suits me. He really doesn't give me a sense of security, but I can't bear to leave him. The people around me don't want me to be with him, it's unrealistic. Do you think this is okay?
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
