Post Date December, 02 2023
Since getting married, I have been in contact with many people's marital problems and seen a lot of real marriage situations. I often tell unmarried and wanting to marry (faint) girl friends that if you are not very sure and sure that the other person is the life partner who can spend decades with you, if you just want to get married, for pressure, to solve their problems, or for various reasons, then really don't get married casually. Because, after getting married, you will definitely be disappointed and regret it.
Many times, what we see friends showcasing their love and showing off their lives on FB does not mean that it is their real life. I have seen many people play a good husband and father on FB, but in fact, he has an affair with a mistress and takes his wife to eat in high-end restaurants. All of them take the mistress to eat and take his wife to play abroad, and many people praise the love and love. In fact, it is because his wife caught him having an affair that he atones for it. There are also many people who have unhappy marriages, but still play happy partners on FB.
Can patience lead to happiness?
I met a girl friend who had an affair with her husband, who spoke violently to her, didn't pay for the family and child rearing expenses, and asked her to work as a domestic servant for her mother-in-law. In short, her husband did all the worst things for her husband. Every time she complained about the other person's evil behavior, everyone she heard would advise her to leave as soon as possible while young, to make money and raise children on her own, or better yet to raise a scum man.
However, she always promised a few days later, and you will see her take a photo with her husband on the FB to show their love. It makes people feel speechless and wonder which one they are playing? She said, "If you can bear it, bear it.".
There are many such people, and they always say, "Be patient, for the sake of your family.". They believe that patience and consideration of the overall situation can lead to the happiness of self deception. "The other half had an affair and would go home if he tolerated it. The other half beat her, scolded her, and humiliated her. She said, 'Patience and habit are good.'"., If she encounters an evil mother-in-law, she will also tolerate compromise and accept unreasonable treatment. Even if the other half is unkind to her family, she will endure.
But can patience receive respect and happiness? No, it only allows the other party to take whatever they want, further exploiting and ruining you. I often wonder if your parents would feel sad and reluctant to part with you if they knew you had let the other party treat you like this? I once had a girl like this: What if your daughter met someone like your husband? She said, "Of course I want to leave!"! I said, "Aren't you also someone else's daughter?"?
Besides, if you let your child watch your marriage grow up, what will he think of you in the future? What will he learn?
Apparent marriage with performance
Another girl's story is that even though she knows that her husband is constantly having affairs outside, playing very aggressively (pretending to disrespect her), and even being a roommate at home, she no longer has any love, ostensibly shiny, but in fact she is not happy at all. Even though others advised her not to torture herself, she still stuck to this rotten marriage. She said that marriage is for the sake of economy and face.
"Because I married fairly well, I lived a noble life after marriage and didn't work. After getting used to this kind of life, I couldn't be separated and independent at all.". In particular, others treat her well and approach her because she is xxx's wife. If she is divorced, she cannot be a noble woman, and she is afraid of being laughed at by others. She still plays a fake husband and wife relationship in order to save face.
Many people will envy such noble women, but in fact, they may not be happier than you. I mean true happiness in heart. Would you choose to be a person with an empty heart but a shiny surface, or would you really have a solid and stable happiness?
Without economic autonomy, one must accept the inequality in marriage and dare not divorce for fear of having no money. Therefore, many divorced people have said that it is best for women to be financially independent. Even if you encounter a bad marriage, you can still stand on your own, because you have the right to choose.
Life is always about living for others
Many people are trapped in unhappy relationships and marriages, and the reasons why they dare not leave are mostly for the sake of others. For the sake of their children, it is necessary to give them a sound home (a sound home is not a home with love), and do not want to make their parents worry or be laughed at by others. They always live for the sake of others, never thinking about themselves, or putting themselves in the lowest position.
However, the idea of being selfless does not make you truly happy, because you are always fooling around, sacrificing yourself to satisfy others (even those who do not truly love you), living to meet the expectations of others and society. Finally, are you happy? Even you rarely ask yourself whether you are happy or not.
I have met many women who have gone through failed marriages and stood up again. They have become more beautiful, confident, and sparkling than in marriage. They say that they have finally regained their ability to love themselves, and that their happiness when they live, together with their children, their work, and their lives, have become better.
Happiness is not self-deception
I often laugh and say that my other half's philosophy of life is: Happy Wife, Happy Life. The next sentence should be: Happy Mommy, Happy Family. I believe many people deeply sympathize. You need to find a happy self before you can bring happiness to your partner and family.
Always live for others, lose yourself, and eventually you're unhappy, and the other person doesn't value your efforts.
If you are still living in an unhappy relationship or a fake marriage, you should think carefully. Do you have to endure for decades? Do you want to live like this in your future life? What you need to do is not patience, but change. If you can't change the other person, just change yourself!
Let go of those pretences, false love, hypocrisy, and insecurity, and find what you really want and can truly make you happy. Life is still long, happiness is your right, and happiness is your choice.
