Post Date December, 03 2023
My temptation made him curse profusely
I was originally a cheerful and lively girl, but recently I have been feeling down and unhappy. To be honest, just last month, I separated from my boyfriend of three years.
He is my brother's colleague. Because he is about the same age as my younger brother, at first I only treated him as a younger brother. But he really likes me. For over a year since we first met, he always silently expressed his love to me. I was moved by him and accepted him.
Due to busy work, we usually rely more on phone and internet communication. Although we haven't seen each other much, our relationship is still quite good. He and I were in a very simple relationship, dating for over a year, and we haven't even held hands. It wasn't until last summer that our relationship changed.
One day, we chatted online as usual. He suddenly asked me, 'Are you a virgin?'? I thought for a moment and asked him, 'If not, will you continue to be with me?'? He didn't answer.
I know that every couple hopes that the person they like is as good as jade, and I just want to test them to see if they really love me. I think if you like someone, you should accept everything from them! So, I made up a random first love story and even claimed that I had cohabited with my first boyfriend. Unexpectedly, he suddenly looked like a different person and cursed at me.
I regret trying to explain, but with little effect, he doesn't believe that I am innocent. Under all helplessness, I had to seek help from his cousin. With her persuasion, his attitude towards me improved.
I use 'innocence' to expel third parties
After the relationship eased slightly, I sadly realized that there was another third party between us. At first, I discovered a girl who was actively pursuing him. I found her number on his phone and sent her a text message, saying that I wanted to talk to her, but she didn't pay any attention to me. Later, I accidentally entered his online space and saw her leave him a message, only to realize that he was not completely passive. In fact, they had already been dating frequently without my knowledge.
I was really scared at the time, afraid that he would leave me because of her. On August 15th of that year, according to our local customs, the man would send mooncakes to the woman on that day. The first night, I sent him a text message. I said: If you choose me, come to my house. Unexpectedly, the next day, he really came. I am naturally very happy.
That night, he didn't go home. We stayed at the internet cafe late and both of us were tired, so I took him to my room. We were watching TV when the girl suddenly sent me a text message saying that she wouldn't leave him and asked me to let go.
After reading the text message, I feel aggrieved. What did I do wrong, so much so that I was threatened by an 18-year-old girl? That girl is really only 18 years old. I just told her that at her current age, she doesn't even know what love is. After sending this text message, I turned off my phone.
Then, I turned to him and said, 'Don't you believe me?'? Then I will use my first attempt to prove my innocence now. I really said and did that. Do you think I'm very stupid.
But I have confirmed myself. In this way, we reconciled as before. He promised me that he wouldn't talk to that girl again, and he really did it.
Talks broke down over buying a ring
Gradually, both parents learned about our relationship. Originally, my mother was still very satisfied with him. My mother knew that his family's conditions were not very good, and she didn't say anything. She just said we had a good time.
But when my mother found out that I was already "with him", she said that his family should at least buy some corresponding dowry gifts. I knew he didn't have money at home, so I kept my mother's meaning to myself and didn't tell him.
Last year during the Chinese New Year, he went to my house. My mother asked him about the dowry, and he was very surprised. He remained silent for a long time without making any promises, only saying that he would be responsible for me. After he left, my mother was very unhappy, saying that he was too young to understand anything and opposed my dealings with him.
How come it's like having a fun conversation, when it comes to the main topic, it changes. "My mother wants him to buy me a ring first, and the man buys the woman a ring, which is a custom in our area. Besides, you've been dating for three years, so it's also appropriate to buy a ring, "my mother said.
Actually, I really don't care whether to buy a ring or not. But my mother is very persistent, and he doesn't give in either. He said that women are all the same, they love money like life. Pointing at my nose, he said, 'I just don't have any money at home. If you want to follow me, you can follow me. If you don't want to, you can get lost.'.
I know he has low self-esteem. Due to his poor family background, he didn't finish middle school and started working outside. He is currently working in his uncle's factory and usually has no salary. His uncle will only give him a few thousand yuan until the Chinese New Year. I usually understand his difficulty in taking money, so most of our expenses together are from me.
I explained to him that my mother didn't ask him for money, she just wanted us to settle the relationship.
My mother told me privately that dowry is just a form of promise. I am no longer young, I should fix my relationship with him as soon as possible. Because getting married at his age will definitely have to wait for two or three years. In two or three years, the variables are too large. I am older than him, and if there are any changes in the future, I will suffer even more than him.
After listening to me, he didn't say anything more, but began to distance himself from me.
He said he couldn't bear this responsibility
In order to avoid my mother's nagging, I left home and came to work at a beauty shop in Wuhan. Neither of us mentioned breaking up, but we were like strangers to each other.
I didn't tell him after arriving in Wuhan, only called his home. I told his family that I had already left home due to the dowry issue, and I hope his family can have some opinions or give my parents an explanation. His parents said that only his son had the final say in this matter, and they could not give blind advice.
A month ago, he suddenly came to see me and took me to East Lake to play for a day. We had a great time that day. When I came back by car at night, I asked him, 'How did my mother think about what she said?'? He paused for a moment and said, 'Let's get married next year.'. I was very happy at the time and didn't ask any further questions. The next morning, he left.
That afternoon, I called him. He asked impatiently, 'Why are you calling me?'? The first day he said he wanted to marry me, and the next day he was as cold as ice to me. I really don't understand what he meant.
That night, I texted him and asked if something was wrong? I thought his family didn't agree with us being together. He said he doesn't have money, he feels he can't take responsibility, he said I can't even afford to support myself, how can I support you? He said I told you to leave me long ago. Who can blame you for not letting go yourself?
I was stunned. After listening to him, I don't even know what we've been doing in the past three years. I said, if you don't feel up to this responsibility, why didn't you say it earlier, why did you date me for three years, why did you come to me again after I left, and even say you want to marry me?
He said that he knew I liked him and couldn't do without him. He was afraid of hurting me, so he never took the initiative to break up. He wanted to slowly torture me, make me feel very painful with him, and then took the initiative to leave him.
I am really conflicted now. On the one hand, I feel that he should make a commitment, and on the other hand, I don't want him to give up this relationship because he can't afford it. I want him to understand the feelings of me and my family. If he can make a commitment to this relationship, I am willing to persuade my family to accept him again.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
