Post Date December, 02 2023
Love comes from the pursuit of self
As the saying goes, "It's not that friends don't meet", and love is often the same. They love and hate each other, fight and fight, but love each other. For this kind of psychology, psychologists believe that one of the reasons for the strong attraction between lovers is actually to pursue the complete self.
Why is there strong attraction between lovers?
Young, a psychologist, believes that everyone has "dominant" and "recessive" (or "shadow") personality. In other words, in addition to the "dominant personality" seen by everyone outside, there is also a "shadow personality" hidden in the heart. That is to say, a very active person actually has a very depressed side, while another very quiet person is likely to become restless in another strange environment.
In terms of psychological theory, the shadow personality of the "analytical" person is "feeling type", because the "analytical" person focuses on logical thinking and objective judgment, but when he emphasizes and displays "rationality", he unconsciously suppresses his delicate and sentimental "emotional" part of his personality to the depth of his subconscious, and becomes a hidden "shadow personality".
Therefore, when a person meets a person of the opposite sex who has his own "shadow personality", he will often feel happy and happy because the other person shows the personality traits he lacks (or has been suppressed). Some people say that love objects usually have complementary personalities, which is why. When a silent person meets a lively person, it is often his "shadow personality" who sees the sun and is inspired, and thus becomes extremely happy. The shackled soul can be released freely.
This process of opposites attracting, "shadow personality" and "dominant personality" integrating and complementing will gradually develop a more complete and mature personality. This process is also called the pursuit of "complete self" by psychologists.
Get through the emotional crisis safely
However, this kind of combination is often called a part of the pain of love. In the so-called run-in, the trait that attracted us most in the past has become the most unbearable place for you. If in the past, you fell in love with his gentleness, then you would probably complain about his lack of masculinity. You fell in love with her liveliness, and you might also feel that she was "wordy" and "childish".
When you are in love, you feel that you have met the best person in the world, but when you reach the run-in stage, you begin to find the other person's numerous shortcomings and start to complain. Because, at this stage, we all want to try to transform each other and make each other become the perfect in our imagination, so the pain also arises. Many people can't go through this run-in period and end up in pain.
How can we make the relationship go more smoothly? Psychologists believe that there is only one way to give up the illusion of making the other person perfect, not focus on the other person, but turn back and focus on the integration and growth of their "dominant" and "recessive" personality, and focus on expanding their "shadow personality".
When you give up changing the other party, you are actually learning to expand your "shadow personality". Interestingly, when a couple with good feelings give up changing each other, they will be more and more affected, and unconsciously they become more and more alike.
