Post Date December, 03 2023
I got married in 2010 and have two daughters who live with my parents-in-law, but I don't have a house of my own for the time being. "My husband works in a real estate company, and if it weren't for the involvement of two older aunts, my marriage would probably have been happy.". My husband is 10 years older than me and has a good temper. However, my personality is relatively irritable. My husband is a warm-hearted person, and basically anyone who asks for his help will not refuse others.
My husband has two older sisters on top of her, one of whom is not well married, and the other, who is 40 years old, has not yet married. She always asks her younger brother for solutions to major and minor issues. Her needs are barely acceptable, but her approach is unacceptable. We live in the countryside, and all of our houses are sleeping on the second floor. There have been several times in the middle of the night, and her husband's second sister doesn't knock at the door (we are apartment rooms), so she directly runs to our room to go to the bathroom, I told my mother-in-law to tell her about her daughter. She thought it was nothing, so she let it go.
In addition, my second aunt would also answer the phone calls from her husband's colleagues and then transfer them to her husband. She would sometimes go to work together on and off duty. "Once, she told me that her sister was the only one in the family, and her wife could be changed at any time. She also asked her husband to divorce me. My husband kept silent when she heard her sister say this. The most angry thing about her husband's family was that he basically used his husband as a driver when traveling with seven big sisters, eight aunts, and uncles. We had a 10 day holiday in the New Year, and we didn't have our own time at all. The three of us, mother and daughter, were at home to provide support, and we also had to pay our own gas bills.". My mother paid 50000 yuan to buy a car for us, and finally became a service to them all.
Once, when I went out with his eldest sister and second sister and came back on the highway, his eldest sister's son made a fuss for no reason and wanted to ride a bicycle. When my eldest sister got off the bus and did it again, her son kept crying and cried all the way. He was already very tired, but it was also evening and my heart was upset, so I said a few words in a bad temper. Upon returning home, her second sister said that I couldn't tolerate a single child, and then I said, "At your uncle's house, he cried and cried, and you immediately tried to stop him, so as not to affect your uncle and his family. Why did you just leave me alone?"? Don't you want me to talk? Then my husband saw us arguing all the time and slapped me in the face. After so many years of marriage, for the first time, he did it for her sister. He didn't help me with the calculation, and it embarrassed me. It was already midnight, so I called my parents and asked them to come and pick me up. At that time, I thought about getting divorced, but my daughter was still so young that she wasn't even one year old. Thinking about it, my daughter refrained.
There are also some wonderful things. If my husband has a classmate party or a company year-end dinner, and he wants to bring his wife to attend, her second sister will always jump out and say, "You can take me there. I'll go eat those dishes, but I can't finish eating them and pack them back.". After I heard it nearby, I was completely speechless. Every time my husband had these banquets, her second sister would always say this. When she saw her husband's friend giving her a red envelope, she would say, "You tell your friend that you still have a sister who is not married, let your friend also send a red envelope to your sister!"! I have never seen such a cheeky person.
What also made me sad was that last year, my father accidentally cut his hand while working, and almost cut his entire hand. I took a picture in the hospital and sent it to my husband. He was on a business trip, but he still didn't believe it. After hearing what my sister told him, he didn't take the initiative to call to comfort my father and care about anything. At that time, my heart was really cold, and I didn't know what the meaning of living was, so I had to compromise for my two daughters. His job involves frequent business trips, typically 20 days a month, and he rarely has time to rest at home. I want my family of four to go and play. Her second sister always wants to follow us, so it's okay to follow us. Her husband wants to buy me something, but she always jumps out and stops me, saying there's no need to waste money.
In addition, I have suffered a lot from conceiving a second child. I was unstable when I first conceived, and I always bleed. I have to stay in bed to raise my baby. For the sake of the child, I have to temporarily quit my job, and I also have to go back and forth to the hospital every day to inject progesterone and take medication. My mother-in-law has been living a hard life before, and she doesn't want to waste or buy anything to raise a baby. It's all about what they eat, and most of them eat overnight food. She has a bad appetite for the first three months. She told her husband to ask him to solve it, but he always said it wasn't so delicate.
The baby was born prematurely just over 8 months ago, and the expectant husband still had to travel. Basically, during the entire pregnancy, the husband had to travel a lot, so he went to the pregnancy examination alone.
When I first got married, there was a woman who often called and sent text messages to her husband. The text messages also called him "pig head", but I happened to see him. The husband also said that I was sick and that this woman and everyone else called him "pig head". Later, the woman called her husband and he was driving, so I answered. When the woman heard it was me, she said, "I'm sorry, I called my boyfriend and got the wrong number. I hung up immediately.". "I asked my husband, and he scolded me for being too careless. I said that even calling my boyfriend on the wrong number would make it difficult to tell. With the previous text message, I couldn't even think twice. At the end of the argument, I was tired and the matter was over.". My husband always likes to hook up with women online, and even tells those women that he's not married. I'm too lazy to ask, and there won't be any change in the way I ask.
I'm sorry to bother you, but it's basically these issues that are bothering me. I hope they can solve my confusion. Thank you.
[Reply]
Hello, after reading your talk, I think the urgent problem to be solved now is that you and your husband should find ways to have their own independent living space as soon as possible, because when you are with your parents-in-law, you may live in their house, and then there is an unmarried older sister-in-law. If you do not separate, then a large family mixed together will naturally generate various conflicts.
My attitude towards relatives is to move around frequently, communicate more, be measured, discuss closeness, be less fussy, and be principled. In particular, when it comes to money, it is important to ensure that kinship is personal and wealth is wealth. Brothers and sisters should keep track of their accounts and save emergencies rather than the poor. Don't fuss too much about minor matters that don't touch the principles. Of course, if a family has the ability to lead a good life, and if they are not, they should be grateful for the help of others and understand their own efforts and struggles, so that the more they get along, the closer they become. Family relationships should have valued the feeling that blood is thicker than water, rather than hurting harmony by worrying about temporary gains and losses.
As far as you are concerned, your two aunts, especially your second aunt, may make you dislike or even resent some things and behaviors, leading to some conflicts. However, from the perspective of the overall interests of the family, it is better to be more tolerant and receptive. Don't always harbor resistance over trivial matters, which will only accumulate and stimulate greater conflicts between each other. In many cases, you should learn to love one's family and the other, Know how to get along well with his family for the sake of his husband, and don't haggle with them. You have to understand that offending them is undoubtedly about having trouble with their husbands. Of course, the premise is that your husband has to be kind to you and distinguish between right and wrong.
According to the letter, I feel that you have a lot of complaints about your husband, so you need to take a cool and objective look at your marriage and determine whether there is a fundamental problem between your husband and wife. If he is truly disloyal to the marriage, lacks responsibility for the family, neglects care for you, and even has reached a point where there is no emotion to speak of, then the real crisis lies between you and your husband, It's not just a conflict with two aunts. Therefore, you should distinguish between priorities and priorities to consider the difficulties you encounter. It is a matter of principle and must not be vague. Even for the sake of children, it is not easy to tolerate and maintain a marriage that is on the verge of death.
If, as you said, there is indeed a problem with your husband's personal qualities, he may have become indistinct with other women outside, or even have had an improper relationship. If he has nothing to do with the Internet to hook up with other women, you must not sit idly by, otherwise it will only allow him to continue to degenerate, and you will not have a good life in the future. Of course, in order to intervene in your husband's misconduct, in addition to being resolute in your attitude, you also need to achieve self independence, that is, spiritual, personality, and economic independence. Otherwise, what do you use to counter him and curb him.
