Post Date December, 03 2023
Can we really grow old together as a couple?
Divorce, infidelity, and marital violence are all major changes and losses in life. The strong emotions such as shock, confusion, loneliness, helplessness, depression, anger, and distress are often beyond the understanding of outsiders.
Without a happy family life, one cannot have a truly happy and bright future. In a person's life, there is no success that can compensate for the failure of marriage and family.
In order to assist those who have experienced divorce, extramarital affairs, or marital violence, professional marriage counseling, or family and friends who have experienced marital change, Dr. Huang wrote "There is still a blue sky outside the window", asking them to explore their psychological needs, explore the impact of their original family on marriage, actively rebuild interpersonal relationships, and start life with a completely new mindset. This book is also helpful for single and happily married individuals.
Dr. Huang Weiren currently teaches at Northwestern University in the United States and works at the Marriage and Family Psychology Clinic in Chicago. He is also an international speaker at the Love Family Association in the United States. In mid July, this "love doctor" was invited to give a speech locally, and our reporter took the opportunity to talk to him about love.
The interview content is published in three parts: top, middle, and bottom. In this article, Dr. Huang first discusses whether love can last forever
A study in the United States has found that due to the unstable relationship between cohabiting men and women, their sexual life is not satisfactory, and even if they ultimately decide to get married, their chances of extramarital affairs and divorce are higher than those of ordinary couples. In addition, violent incidents between cohabiting men and women are also of great concern
Cohabitation between men and women cannot create 'sexual happiness'
Don't think that a trial marriage can "detect" whether the other person is your ideal sexual partner - someone who can fully enjoy sex in bed. In fact, without the "constraints" of a marriage contract, the sexual life of cohabiting men and women is more "dull" than that of married couples.
This is the research result of American experts.
Dr. Huang Weiren, a Chinese American psychologist, recently pointed out in an interview with reporters that research in the United States has found that due to the unstable relationship between cohabiting men and women, their sexual life is not satisfactory, and even if they ultimately decide to get married, the probability of extramarital affairs and divorce is higher than that of ordinary couples. In addition, incidents of violence between cohabiting men and women are also of considerable concern.
In recent years, the number of divorce cases has increased in many countries, including the United States and the local community. Not long ago, local data released showed that the number of divorces in China last year reached a new high in 20 years, an increase of 12% compared to the previous year.
In this era of high divorce demography, does it mean that everlasting love will become history? Is the marriage system on the path of extinction?
"The rising trend of the divorce demography, coupled with everyone's indifferent attitude of 'seeing strange things', does suggest that the trend of divorce may continue unabated in the future, but I don't think it should be regarded as a' monster '. Marriage and family are old topics, and we are weaving stories from our predecessors every day. However, it is a new topic, because we are exploring and groping every day.".
"I think the high divorce demography is a kind of social progress, a concrete manifestation of a country's respect for human rights, and a sign that society attaches importance to people's quality of life."
In Dr. Huang's view, the existence of divorce is not terrible, and the high divorce demography is not a cause for concern. What is really terrible is when the marriage system no longer exists. Imagine that in the near future, if the word 'marriage' needs to be checked in a dictionary to know its accurate meaning, that would be the greatest sorrow in this world.
However, Dr. Huang did not believe that marriage would be easily "abandoned" by people. He said, "The family is the cell of society, and a happy family is a warm harbor. Marriage also has benefits and responsibilities, otherwise people will not enter the palace of marriage generation by generation
Girlfriends are constantly having less and less fun
A stable relationship (marriage) is the most reasonable way to meet people's needs for love and family.
That's why some girlfriends (boyfriends) switch from person to person and end up single.
Dr. Huang Weiren, a love doctor, said that some people always think that what they lose or cannot get is the best. However, every time they fall in love, they adopt an attitude of riding a donkey to find a horse, constantly changing partners, and never finding a suitable partner.
There was once a charming and charming man who told Dr. Huang that many girls liked him, and he had endless opportunities to socialize with countless girls. He didn't want to miss any opportunities, but in the process of exchanging girlfriends, the joy he gained from it became less and less.
Dr. Huang said, "The pursuit of love and marriage among modern young people is' as long as they have it, they don't care about eternity ', which is very undesirable. Love is long-lasting, marriage is eternal, and family is an eternal warm nest.
I believe that in a hundred or thousands of years, marriage will also exist. Of course, whether marriage is solid and healthy depends on our social environment, civic literacy, and moral values
Unfortunately, marriage reduces lifespan and increases the chance of catching a cold
American scientists have found through research that people in painful marriages have an average lifespan of four years shorter than those in happy marriages, and their chances of catching a cold are also higher than 30%.
Dr. Huang Weiren explained that a happy relationship can enhance a person's immune system. Just spending two minutes a day engaging in high-quality intimate communication with your close family is more effective in improving physical and mental health than going to the gym for 30 minutes three times a week.
However, there is no shortcut to a happy marriage, and classes and studies are also necessary.
He said, "It's like driving requires studying and obtaining a license, let alone being a couple. Prevention is better than treatment, and premarital education is important for men and women who plan to get married. When our desire for a happy marriage increases, our ability to handle it does not grow with it.
To have perfect love and marriage, it is necessary to learn to understand oneself, understand others, understand one's own emotions, others' emotions, increase one's emotional intelligence, and most importantly, strengthen the ability to handle problems, so as to understand how to solve conflicts when they have different opinions
