Post Date December, 03 2023
In some marriages and marriage relationships, the feelings of young men have gone downhill since the day of their marriage. He trembled nervously and showed anxiety and confusion, so he tried to escape from reality.
You betrayed yourself and deceived us. According to data, marriage researchers in several major cities in China surveyed 601 couples. When they were asked, "Do you love your lover?" Only 11% of them answered without thinking: "Yes".
There have always been various problems in marriage. It is a well-known fact that divorce cases have been increasing for many years, both at home and abroad. Even those couples who have worked hard to maintain the status quo of their marriage may be questioned by the next generation: as parents, your marriage is false.
From the perspective of men, what is the crux of this worrying situation?
In some marriages and marriage relationships, the feelings of young men have gone downhill since the day of their marriage. He trembled nervously and showed anxiety and confusion, so he tried to escape from reality. Some people will tell the young man who is going to be the groom that the fear before the wedding is normal. We should be prepared and try to overcome it.
Family members and friends will make a vague explanation of his inner thoughts and activities, which is enough to lead to his guilt, such as: "You are afraid to approach women and assume obligations." "You are not willing to shoulder the burden of life." "You are not willing to give up your personal freedom." "You are immature.". Then they will comfort him and say that you will overcome these fears and doubts, and will slowly mature in the process of overcoming them.
The word "fear" that leads to guilt is often used to explain men's resistance and negative emotions. It is like a flag, or the call of battle, which successfully inspires men to bravely accept severe tests and overcome difficulties to show their fortitude. In this way, he suppressed his secret real emotional needs. From then on, when he tried to overcome the strong reaction caused by fear and resistance, he not only got nothing, but left a hidden danger for the breakdown of marriage.
When the marriage relationship is on the verge of collapse, and in fact has reached an irreversible point, these repressed feelings of resistance will flood the floodgates of feelings. Only then did he recall his old feelings and realize the real reason for his resistance at that time. Before that, however, most of his energy was spent on suppressing, overcoming and rationalizing his dissatisfaction.
Just as he ignored the call of his inner feelings on the wedding day, he also continued to ignore his true feelings in order to maintain the marriage relationship. When he feels upset, he will endure it and let it go.
During the day, even if he is unwilling, he should call his wife from the office because he feels that his wife has this requirement. At the weekend, he had to cook, run errands, repair, and then sit in front of the TV passively, trying to play a competent husband and father. When he and his wife are socializing with other couples, he has to play the role of hospitable host or attractive guest, but in fact he has no interest in it.
Therefore, many of his behaviors are against his will, just to meet his need to overcome, deny and decorate negative emotions, which inevitably makes marriage become a heavy burden, and finally breaks down. Only then did he let out his long-suppressed anger.
