Post Date December, 03 2023
When you disagree, you are always the first to admit your mistake, but he is always the last to return your information? Take care of him carefully from morning to night and please him, but he forgot to say good night to you? You broke your heart for him and didn't want him to be negative again, but he didn't give you a good look?
We tried our best, but with little effect. That is because you have used brute force in the wrong direction and have not effectively paid for the needs of the other party. Do you always dislike him for his lack of motivation, his love of playing mahjong, sleeping late, playing games and wasting time? Do you dislike him for not being clean and never cleaning his room? Angry that he didn't keep his promise and didn't fulfill his promise to accompany you to travel?
Why do we hate, dislike or hate someone in our relationship? In fact, the person we hate and the parts we hate are the parts we dislike. I can't accept this part of myself, so I can't accept this part of you. A normal relationship must be like and hate at the same time.
Only when you know why you fell in love with him and why you hated him in a certain way, can you know how to make the other party love you more, and this relationship will have a future.
1. Why did I fall in love with him at the beginning?
(1) He can realize my ideal, so I love him.
The reason why we love a person is that he can realize my ideal. For example, why are some girls crazy about muscle men? The image of a muscular man may represent a protection for women. But if I were that girl, in my subconscious, I might want to be strong but not strong, so I fell in love with a strong man.
What I care about can't be realized. When the other party realizes, I will fall in love with him.
(2) He can satisfy the missing part of me before, so I love him.
What I lack, you can satisfy me, so I love you.
For example, when I was a child, I lacked recognition. My parents didn't approve me. Then when I grow up, if you are willing to coax me with sweet words and often praise me, I will fall in love with you. For example, when I was a child, I was always neglected. At this time, suddenly there was a person who could subtly sense my needs and meet me, and I would easily fall in love with him.
(3) The third rare situation is that we love each other when we are both successful.
That is a realm, which is too rare. I guess it only exists in people like Sartre and Beauvoir.
2. Later, why did I dislike some aspects of him?
(1) I hate this part of me, so I hate this part of you.
Why do we hate, dislike or hate someone in our relationship? In fact, the person we hate and the parts we hate are the parts we dislike. I can't accept this part of myself, so I can't accept this part of you.
There are some excellent, capable, hardworking and motivated people who will arrange their life very fully, and learn English and dance whenever they have time... because they always feel that people can't waste time. In many cases, he not only asks himself not to waste time, but also his partner not to waste time.
(2) You haven't satisfied me, and I hate you
The second reason why I hate my partner is that you are not satisfied with me all the time, and I hate you very much.
When I need to be recognized, you don't recognize me. When I need freedom, you always control me. When I need you to pay attention to me, you ignore me. At this time, I will hate you.
These two disgusts actually break our sense of integrity, so we will hate each other.
3. In the end, is there a future for our relationship?
What kind of feelings have a future? From the perspective of psychology, the essence of emotion is fusion. When two people are close, some of them are psychologically integrated. The higher the degree of integration of the two people, the more parts shared by their self-function and psychological function, and the deeper their feelings. A normal relationship must be like and hate at the same time.
Only like without hate will fall into symbiosis and suffocate people, or lose social function. Hate, hate, dislike and other emotions will push the relationship to a safe distance. However, when the degree of integration is low, two people can not produce psychological intersection. In this case, they can not produce feelings. The part of you that attracts me, I want to integrate you. The part of you that I hate makes me want to leave you.
These two motivations will coexist in a relationship. People's subconscious will keep our feelings in a moderate degree of integration, and automatically coordinate to a proper position, so this relationship can go down. Therefore, a normal relationship must have both likes and dislikes. Hate, hate and dislike are all very healthy emotions. This kind of emotion will push the relationship to a safe distance, and prevent your love from engulfing the other party.
Of course, if two people feel different about this kind of security, their relationship is likely to break. If you force together, in fact, the love between you will burn another person or suffocate him. So at this time, separation will be a better choice, which is the result of subconscious self-regulation.
