Post Date December, 03 2023
The most painful form of violence in a relationship is the feeling of being ignored. In order to survive in society, people are always driven by reality to grow up and learn to live in an adult mask. However, if things develop beyond the bottom line expected in their hearts, they will often be beaten back to the most vulnerable baby prototype; Especially in love, this situation is more common when the other party is suspected of deliberately ignoring themselves.
So people who originally thought they were calm may turn into screaming tree spirits from "Harry Potter" and shout loudly; Or optimistic and cheerful people, now become Shrimp balls and curl up in the quilt without saying a word; "More people will cry and protest to their other half like a fast food grandpa advertisement, saying, 'You've become indifferent to me, it's not you!'"
Like Lucy, she never expected that her life and emotions would be dominated by her boyfriend's words and actions.
In the pursuit period, no matter whether her boyfriend used the local tyrant mode, spent money and swept away goods just to exchange for beauty and thank her, or took a warm route, worked as Lucy's exclusive DJ late at night, gently listened to her thoughts, and these courteous behaviors were taken for granted in Lucy's heart at that time, just like breathing air.
However, for Lucy now, longing for her boyfriend's attention has become a luxury, because as the time goes by, her boyfriend seems to become more and more neglectful of her. For example, when she shares her thoughts with her boyfriend, she receives a response that she wants to rest after work; When she looks forward to a sweet date with her boyfriend, she loses to the virtual game world; Even, the candlelight dinner on Valentine's Day, which has been fantasized for a long time, ended with braised pork on the roadside.
Finally, Lucy couldn't bear it anymore. She used the strength of crying over the Great Wall to accuse her boyfriend of being aloof, which not only made her look like a "work and study girlfriend," but also made her feel bored and called for. Even her attitude and behavior changed, from a romantic prince to a cold faced man, who no longer actively understood her emotions; "She thought the protest would bring back her boyfriend's gentle reassurance, but she only got a heartbreaking message: 'Are you finished? You can end the world if you have nothing to do. Why don't you just leave for a while?'"
Sometimes, the more eager you are to be cared for by the other person, the more you think you have the right to rely on them.
In fact, it is not a sin to seek the love of a loved one and maintain a close relationship with the other person, but rather the nature of love. However, when relying on the other person and experiencing an imbalance in emotional distribution, it can easily amplify emotional sensitivity, causing the fear of a sense of security being stripped away; Like children who don't want to be ignored by their parents, they become unreasonable in the eyes of others, but they are actually eager to grasp each other's connection.
This situation usually occurs after a period of intense love, and most men will enter a stable state of mind, setting goals for the actual future, from focusing on chasing you to working hard; In the pace of life, because he already regards you as his own person, he can quickly return to his pre pursuit schedule; In special festivals, you won't particularly crave romantic meals, because the time you spend with you is a gift, just like Lucy's boyfriend. He thinks it's not bad to eat braised pork on Valentine's Day, as long as you can get together again, it will be beautiful, and the old husband and wife mode is happiness.
On the contrary, most women become prone to worry about the end of their love relationship or their partner no longer cherishes themselves after their relationship has stabilized, so they will focus on each other's emotions and even compare them before and after their relationship; However, at this moment, the mentality of men has entered a stable period, coupled with the fact that both parties do not understand communication and only passively wait for the other party to take the initiative, resulting in friction and burnout in getting along.
So, if you want someone to care about you, please re care about yourself first.
Dear, try to return some love to yourself, because before you met him, you also had your own life steps, interests, and hobbies. So did a man, but he didn't forget his own, and you temporarily forgot.
In love relationships, practicing self recovery is a topic. Even if there are more lovers in your life, you are still your own master and have the right to assign the focus of love to yourself. Just like when a man is playing online games, you don't necessarily have to act like a lookout stone and wait around foolishly, instead, you can do your own thing; "Even if a man doesn't keep his promise (for example, having a meal after this game, but then playing several games in succession), you can smartly feed yourself first.".
In addition, communication and empathy are the biggest keys to feeling that you care about each other.
After all, falling in love is to support and rely on, not to endure loneliness alone. If you feel neglected by your partner, it's best to think rationally about the current situation first. For example, if you don't want to chat after work, you can forgive each other and wait for a holiday or rest before talking; "If you want your partner to treat you like they were during the pursuit period, whether it's suggestive or direct expression of a desire to relive romance, it's a way to reconnect with enthusiasm.".
The most important thing is to transform the silence and injury in the relationship into the power of active repair. When you imagine from the perspective of the other party, you will find that: originally, you still care about each other so much, just need a little more attention and courage, cultivate pace and tacit understanding.
