Post Date December, 03 2023
Firstly, do not engage in an attack and explain your own needs.
Hard criticism often makes the other party angry. For example, "What's wrong with you? Your mind is full of work and you never think of me!" or "You never call me, you never think of giving me gifts no matter what holiday, you only have yourself in your heart!" Be obedient, who can bear to speak like this?
Let's learn the method of 'soft complaint' together: pointing out one's own needs without blaming or attacking the other party. For example, "Dear, I really need your help taking care of the children on weekends, but you have been working every weekend for the past month.", "I really hope to be cared for by you, but it seems that in our relationship, I always call to greet you, and only I remember giving you gifts on holidays
Secondly, avoid generalizing and focus on specific behaviors.
The saying of 'hard criticism' is: 'You always mean what you say and never take responsibility!' In this way, his/her personality is sentenced to a heavy sentence, which naturally makes people angry. And the 'soft complaint' expert will say, 'Tonight we agreed to have dinner together, but you made me wait for a long time alone.' That is to say, describing what happened, rather than expressing my own conclusions about his/her personality.
Thirdly, emotions can be said without practice
Most of the time, 'just talking without practicing' is not a clever approach. However, in intimate communication, when facing one's negative emotions, the smartest approach is to 'speak out, not act out' the emotions. That is to say, try to discuss your feelings with the other party without actually taking action.
For example, you can say, "I am so angry that I want to throw something!" After saying this, you have already expressed your true feelings and completely omitted the destructive practice of throwing things. (It can also avoid losing money, ha!)
Or: "You just said that made me feel a bit unbearable, and I really want to run now." By the way, don't follow your heart's feelings. You don't need to rush out, but stay and discuss your feelings with the other person.
For example, "I have an impulse to speak up and scold you to protect myself." Instead of truly blaming the other person, it's better to express your current feelings and motivations. This will avoid irreparable harm to the relationship and instead enhance emotional communication with each other.
Talking about one's feelings in a 'emotional light' way may not make the problem disappear, but it is a super effective intimate invitation action. It's like handing out an intimate invitation letter to the other person, letting them understand your feelings better and understanding that my purpose is not to hurt you, but to get closer to you and give them the opportunity to establish a close psychological connection with you.
Editor's note: As long as you abandon "hard criticism" and learn to "soft complaint", love communication can make happiness come true!
