Post Date December, 03 2023
When I met Li Chao, I was just released from a traumatic love affair. That man took away my girlish dream as well as my girlish body. At that time, I was 23 years old and in my junior year.
Li Chao was originally a colleague of his father's, but he left the cultural center in that county due to a lack of talent and was admitted as a civil servant in the provincial capital. He is six years older than me. Grandma said that women who belong to monkeys should never find men who belong to tigers, otherwise they will be bullied for a lifetime. I completely forgot this sentence when Li Chao first kissed me.
He is very intelligent, especially in his writing style. He particularly likes Lu Xun's articles, and his writing style is a bit similar. In his words, "only denounce the darkness, never sing the light.". My parents learned that we were falling in love and came several times to persuade me. Looking for a lover cannot rely solely on feelings. It is important to take good care of this person, whether they have a broad mind, and whether their personality is healthy.
"But just after being struck dizzy in a failed relationship, I seemed to grasp the straw and identify myself as a man like this big brother.". Moreover, there is a voice in my heart telling me that a girl who has lost her virginity, what kind of person should she look for?
One warm and breezy night, in Li Chao's dormitory, he hugged me. Can clearly feel the power of a mature man, the power to erupt. He kissed me crazily and said, "Wang Yan, you are destined to be mine, I love you so much..." My blood was also surging up, my hands and feet were almost unconscious, and tears were streaming down my face.
I couldn't bear to deceive Li Chao and made a decision that almost destroyed my life. I told him about my accident.
He listened to those words as if he had been electrocuted. He slowly sat up and lit a cigarette. The rest of the night, I felt only one word: cold.
After two days, Li Chao came to see me. I don't want to see him again. "He has been waiting downstairs, asking for a message from a passing female classmate every two minutes (you know, at that time, men were not allowed into college girls' dormitories).". At the 16th knock on the door, I finally couldn't help it. Walking downstairs, he saw me come out and came over and hugged me.
"Wang Yan, I can't live without you. It's good that you didn't lie to me. I want you to never lie to me in the future!"
After graduating from college, I went to work in a vocational school and soon married Li Chao.
The Shadow Behind Happiness
On the day of his marriage, Li Chao drank a lot of wine. The guests all left, and Li Chao also fell drunk. He lay on the bed and began to sob. I went over and hugged him, thinking he was not feeling well. But he murmured: "Who his mother knows that I am bitter? The woman I like is not mine..." I was speechless. I thought he had already put that matter aside, and then I knew how naive I was. Maybe he won't let it go for a lifetime. For the first time, I felt that our marriage was shrouded in a shadow that was hard to shake off.
In fact, Li Chao is not as powerful as I imagined. His paranoid personality makes it difficult for him to get along well in institutions with complex interpersonal relationships. He is always cynical and always lacks talent. For a while, when I came home from work every day, I could see his gloomy face and listen to him say something like "so and so messed with him again" or that his brilliant articles were returned. "Wang Yan, you are the only person in the world who belongs to me, won't you betray me, too?" He suddenly stared at me one day and asked.
His eyes were like diamonds, making people feel uncomfortable. "Li Chao, why don't you trust anyone? Why don't I feel like someone is messing with me? Find out the reason from yourself, okay?"
"As soon as I spoke, I knew it was wrong. Li Chao suddenly shouted, 'You don't have the right to say this. I've had enough for you!'"
The huge humiliation drove me crazy, "Li Chao, you're so unreasonable. If you can't bear it, why did you marry me in the first place?" I stood up and rushed out, just to avoid these hurtful words and this hurtful person from a distance.
Perhaps it's because of the shadows in our hearts that our sexual lives are strange from the beginning. Every time Li Chao goes straight forward, it seems as if I am not his wife, but his enemy, or something for him to dispel his hatred. One night, after drinking outside, he peeled off my pajamas as soon as he came back and pulled me. I struggled to break free from his embrace. "He leaned over again, breathing a mouthful of alcohol, and pushed me down on the bed: 'Wang Yan, you are my daughter-in-law, do you know?'"
Looking at the ugly man beside me, I was so aggrieved that I cried out for the first time.
The other side of him makes me wonder
I found myself pregnant. "I originally wanted to work hard for a while before having a baby, but this unexpected pregnancy left me a bit overwhelmed.". Li Chao was so excited that he jumped up, his gloomy face showing a smile he hadn't seen for a long time. On that day, he specially bought spareribs and rarely went down to the kitchen to cook a large pot of soup. I think maybe the arrival of the child can bring happiness to our small family and make our marriage warmer. I have made up my mind to give birth to this child.
The first few months were calm, and the idea of becoming a father made Li Chao's entire life much more peaceful, and he cared much more about me. In those days, I also felt that I was really a happy woman. Soon after, an event completely broke my dream. In the two months before my labor, Li Chao's entertainment suddenly increased. When asked where he had gone, he said that his company was working overtime, but his eyes were flickering. Sure enough, he returned late again that day, with a clear lipstick print on his jacket.
"Wang Yan, listen to my explanation. When a group of literary friends get together, I'm just playing hooky. No matter when, only you are mine. Sometimes when we get together, my wife wasn't mine, and we want revenge, but I won't be sorry for you." What should I do?
For the first time, I thought of divorce. "My girlfriend said, 'Your husband's little business is actually nothing. If you hadn't married, I would have advised you to leave him, but now that you have a big belly, it would be a bit irresponsible for me to talk like that again. In addition, Wang Yan, you also need to learn some skills in managing your husband. Do you know, good men are in control, not used to it?'"
He wants to give love a lock
The birth of our daughter has added to our busyness, stress, and of course, happiness. "In a flash, three months of maternity leave has passed," Li Chao said to me. "Wang Yan, why don't you just stop working and take care of your children at home for two years?" For a professional woman, how can you do without a job?
After much thought, I didn't listen to Li Chao. A few days later, I went to the housekeeping company and hired a small nanny. When my daughter turned one year old, I ushered in a significant turning point in my life. Due to my outstanding business, I was selected to the Education Commission to help prepare a teaching reform project. Perhaps it was due to my daughter or my increased experience. At this time, I shed the green and astringent skin of female college students and became mature, plump, and thoughtful. In my new unit, I quickly received recognition from my leaders and colleagues. Sometimes at night, the unit has social gatherings, and the leaders often call on me to participate.
One evening, I was bathing my daughter at home when I suddenly received a phone call from the company to receive several guests from the headquarters. "Wang Yan, you're almost becoming a 'Miss Three Accompanying', don't you think it's very honorable?" As I packed up to go out, Li Chao suddenly threw such a tough sentence over me. "I rushed out of the house amid his nagging, and my enthusiasm for good work and upward mobility was suddenly dashed with cold water. My heart was heartbroken.".
In the days that followed, the unspeakable evil fire in Li Chao's heart poured out uncontrollably. He began checking my wallet, my phone book, and even my wallet every day. "Every time a phone call comes from home, he rushes to answer it. If it's a woman, she hands it to me, and if it's a man, she inquires thoroughly.". Before long, all the male compatriots in the organization knew that my husband was a jealous person. In order not to cause trouble, everyone alienated me. I feel like I've lost face in the workplace.
I don't know which time it started. When he asked again, I found myself feeling like vomiting, not only without pleasure, but even unbearable. Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore. "Please, Li Chao, I feel bad. Let me go." I closed my eyes and begged bitterly.
(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)
