My husband only sees his family in his eyes, how to choose between long-term relationships

It is a clear fact that the husband's family conditions are poor. He has many brothers and sisters in his family, with three sisters above and one younger brother below. He was the fourth in his family, and due to family constraints, he remained unmarried for over thirty years until he met me. I fell in love with him at first sight, and then we fell in love freely. Working outside is not the same as blind dates. It's only when you feel right that you get to know each other's families. We have been in a relationship for three months, and he confessed to me about his complex family. I hesitated a bit at the time, thinking that marriage is a matter for two people. We should not be hindered by these external factors, which would be unfair to each other.

I convinced myself to continue dating him, but I couldn't convince my parents. Everyone in my family is against it, and in order to break us up, they call me every three to five times. Finally, my mother came to Shanghai to find me. She had never traveled far, but instead took a long-distance bus for more than ten hours for me. I broke up with my husband with all my heart. Mom was not at ease and told me a lot about the tragic history of marriage in complex families, and even asked me to write a guarantee letter. Half a month after she left, we got entangled again. I felt sorry for my mother, but I couldn't control myself. After a year of dating, I became pregnant. My parents were angry at me for losing their face, but they were not willing to sever their relationship with me. They could only swallow their anger and accept my husband.

Before marriage, there is a foundation for love, and it is reasonable to say that the relationship after marriage should develop well. My husband is kind-hearted and always tries his best to deal with people and things. In our first year of marriage, we were almost inseparable. If we were good, we could wear a pair of pants. With the passage of time, we quickly got married for three years. We have had a lot of arguments between us due to some trivial matters. Unexpectedly, I found that he turned my words in the ear and whenever there was a disagreement, he would run away to live with his sister's house without fear of others gossiping. After earning money, it wasn't my wife and son who came to mind, but buying cosmetics and bags for his sister, maintenance products for his parents, and so on. With three melons and two dates left, it was only then that I remembered myself and the children.

My husband's filial piety is well-known in Shiliba Village. My mother-in-law said he wouldn't go west. Every time I see my mother-in-law giving us advice on our married life, he keeps saying a fair word, which makes me feel extremely sad. Especially his sisters, who are all married, take their children to our house every three days and stay overnight. Originally, there were not many rooms, and sometimes people gathered together quite frequently, so they could only sleep on the floor. I raised opinions with my husband, but he not only refused to listen, but also accused me of being narrow-minded and malicious. Being treated like this by my husband means I don't have any status in this family. Sometimes thinking about it, living in such a family is even more terrifying than being a third child. It was destroyed when I didn't listen to my parents at the beginning, but now I have to make a choice, and I have no independent opinion. What should I do?

Reply from Weiqing Consultant:

Firstly, when you marry your husband, you go against your parents' wishes and abandon your family relationship. You feel that your efforts should be recognized and cherished by your husband. But the situation is not optimistic. Your weight in his heart is not as important as you imagine, or even less important than his siblings. You feel that you are not taken seriously, and there are psychological biases, arguments, and disagreements that have become a common occurrence for you. If family issues are not handled properly, your marriage life will not be harmonious at all.

You want to compete with them for high or low status in your family, but your husband's confirmation of your behavior is purely a matter of caution. You have lost your husband's focus, and in this complex family, it is even more difficult to stabilize your steps. Actually, to be honest, we are all a family, so why make it look like a battlefield. In family relationships, when it's appropriate to communicate with your husband, a man only needs to work hard to maintain a little bit of his wife, and the atmosphere of the entire family will become very gentle. And a comfortable family environment and atmosphere is the true purpose of marriage.