Post Date December, 03 2023
There are many jokes circulating among men about women's love of speaking, while women complain to each other about their men's unwillingness to communicate. What is the reason why men choose to remain silent?
There are two obvious signs of evolution from apes to humans, one is the use of tools, and the other is the use of language, so language has a special significance for humans. So, is the first sentence of humanity said by a man or a woman? If you ask a theologian, he will say that there was Adam first, and of course, men spoke first; If you ask a feminist, she will say that it was a matrilineal society at that time, and of course, women spoke first; If you ask a serious sociologist, he will tell you that this question is untested.
Since we cannot trace the origin, let's ask the question about the end: If humanity is destined to perish, who will say the last word of humanity? The answer to this question cannot be obtained from sociologists, but if the respondent is a married male, he will definitely tell you that the last person to shut up must be a woman.
Apart from the nagging Tang monk, compared to women, men's preference for speaking is clearly much weaker. What is the reason for this?
Inference 1: Men are silent because their words are precious
Speaking can give people the pleasure of speaking freely, and they also need to bear the responsibility of "keeping their word". Generally speaking, men seem to take on this responsibility more. Men focus more on power and money, and need to use language to strive for a higher social status, rather than wasting their saliva on trivial matters. During the Warring States period, the famous lobbyist Zhang Yi was once disappointed by the feudal lords and was scolded by his wife when he returned home. Since he is a lobbyist, Zhang Yi's lip service is certainly very impressive, but he just opened his mouth and asked his wife if her tongue was still there. His wife said yes, Zhang Yi said, keeping her tongue still, not afraid of burning without firewood, and then stopped arguing with her.
In fact, many women find it strange that there are many men who can achieve the same level of saliva and alcohol flying at the dinner table. The reason for this is precisely because speaking is too little fun and too much responsibility for men. When they are away, they have to use all their wisdom and energy to refine their language. After returning home, they remain silent, just to relax. If a man also has to tighten his nerves and talk eloquently at home, he will be tired and break his tongue.
Inference 2: Men are silent because they have nothing to say
As we know, if a person does not eat crabs, there are often two possibilities: first, they are used to eating bear paws and find crabs difficult to eat; The second reason is that he cannot afford crabs. Inference 1 discusses the first scenario, while Inference 2 discusses the second scenario.
There is an idiom called 'silence is gold'. In the previous text, we said that men often speak for the sake of power and money. According to reason, 'speaking is gold'. So why is there such an idiom? In fact, it's very simple. There are also high and low levels in the male group. People above speak for money, while those below speak for nothing. To judge a man's status, it's enough to see if he doesn't care what he says. So men need to consider risks before speaking: if what they say works, it will naturally improve their social status and image in the eyes of women; But if his opinion is ignored, it is a failure for him. Because people at the top are always a minority, the result is that most men only choose to remain silent. Perhaps they have a thousand words to say, but they also bear in mind the principle of 'too much words make a fool of themselves'. Men who experience inner struggles are far less comfortable than women who say what they want. Silence is actually a manifestation of a man taking on pressure. There is also evidence in history for this inference, and the allusion of King Zhuang of Chu that "after three years of silence, he made a remarkable achievement" is not just about this truth!
A silent man may be a disappointed man, but he is definitely not a gentle man. Perhaps they are quietly accumulating strength, waiting for one day to erupt. Today they will endure the "insult under their breath", but once they gain power, they may turn around and bite people. So, women should not only provide understanding and support to silent men, but also have a bit of defense.
Inference 3: Men are silent because they are accustomed to silence
The above two deductions are to speculate on the psychology of men from the perspective of "exposure". As a man, the reason why I do this is entirely to leave a good impression on women - 'Men are very good at self analysis'. However, the relationship between the sexes is not actually a class conflict, and men's love for silence may have nothing to do with the social structure. If we ask a man who is not very talkative why he is like this, he may tell you: "I like it!" Or someone's answer may be: "No, I'm used to it." Because they don't know what better way to express themselves besides silence, they choose silence. Returning to our previous metaphor, there is a third possibility for a person not to eat crabs, which is that they do not know that crabs can be eaten. So instead of torturing men here about why they are silent and what kind of conspiracy is hidden in their silence, we should try to make them experience the joy of conversation. After all, crabs are very delicious.
Colourbox 5 ways to make men speak up
As for how to make a man speak up, the following is a suggestion from a relatively silent man, for your reference only:
1. Pay attention to the other person's interests and try to talk about things they are familiar with.
2. Prepare some questions that should not be too simple for him to disdain answering, nor too difficult for him to answer. It is best to arouse his interest.
3. Be an excellent listener. Prepare more tone words to encourage him to continue speaking, such as: "Hmm..." "Oh?" "And then what?" Of course, appropriate praise is also needed: "Okay!" "Not bad!" Finally, exclamation words: "Oh my god!" "Not really!" Appropriate praise and surprise will stimulate his desire to continue speaking.
4. Brew a relaxed atmosphere. In fact, you don't need to deliberately prepare lighting or fragrance. As long as you can keep your tone relaxed and comfortable, he will relax his vigilance and continue to talk.
5. The most crucial point is not to talk without words. What you need is a proper conversation at the right time and in the right place, rather than just nagging about something.
