Post Date December, 03 2023
I have known my husband for nine years, have been in love for five years, and have been married for the fourth year. We have always been very happy. We have a smart and lovely son, who is less than three years old. I have been taking care of him since the birth of the child, and I have been taking care of him since then. In recent years, I have been working as a housewife at home.
Until March of this year, I discovered on my husband's phone that there was an ambiguous message about him and a divorced woman from work. The woman had a lot of experience and had an 8-year-old son. The woman used to be the secretary of the chairman, but now she is a purchaser, but she has also been with many men.
My husband first came into contact with him to take advantage of her. At first, he told me it was just a play, but in fact, I forgave him for the sake of the child, and he promised at that time. But I didn't expect that in the next few months, they wouldn't stop at all. As long as I heard about their proximity from others, I would make trouble and argue with them. At first, he even comforted me and comforted me. Until the past few months of this year, I suspected and inquired with his company employees. Whenever he went, I always wondered if he would go find that woman. I told his family about him and also told my parents. I knew that my actions were foolish and would only push him further away.
In fact, we have had countless arguments about this matter this year, and now he is also skinny. Dead pigs are not afraid of boiling water. Until the last two days, we were still arguing, and I was also very tired. He said he was also tired because that woman is now interested in my husband's person, and that woman has indeed helped him. They have an interest relationship.
A while ago, that woman also had trouble with him. My husband finally told me to give him time to handle things with that woman. Just then, I heard his colleague say that my husband had dinner with that woman, and so on. I had another argument with him until the evening of his birthday this Wednesday. I wanted to celebrate his birthday with my child, and he called to play cards. We had another argument, and we got together yesterday. These two days, after listening to the teacher, I also know how to do it. I no longer argue with him or inquire where he has gone. I want to change myself.
Teacher, I actually know where my problem lies, but I just can't control my emotions. I have a bad temper and a quick temper. My husband's parents divorced when he was around two years old. He was raised by his grandparents since childhood, but in fact, he is a very male chauvinistic person, a bull, and has a bad temper. However, he usually cares about me very much and also gives money to spend. He is also willing to buy anything because his parents cannot help him, so he relies on himself in all aspects. He gave me any shortcut to make money, he would do it. He longed for money and success. That woman is the same age as him and belongs to the herd. Compared to me, that woman has experienced more, and I am a weak person.
In fact, my husband also doesn't want to be with this woman in his heart, but he has interests and more or less emotions. Yesterday, my husband said he would leave the company after the New Year. He said that every time he is with that woman, he thinks about me and the child, saying he doesn't care what he does outside, and his heart is with me and the child. I have been arguing with him all along, arguing with him. Every time there is a fierce argument, we propose to divorce each other, but in fact, he dare not divorce me. When he was a child, his parents divorced, and he also loved his children very much. In his heart, children were the top.
We have lost trust and are sensitive when it comes to such topics. In fact, every time I argue with him, I also regret it. I know it pushed him out again, but I just can't control my emotions. Whenever I hear about him and that woman, I get anxious. Therefore, he also said that as long as I don't argue, he will feel very disrespectful towards me. As long as I argue, he will say some harsh words to stimulate me.
I can't fathom his thoughts right now, so could you help me analyze them? Can I change them and save him? I also feel that I don't know how to manage a marriage, have a narrow mindedness, be very sensitive, be quick when things happen, and not calm down. My husband and mistress are currently working in the same company. If my husband leaves that company, do you think they will terminate? As long as they don't meet every day, the reason they keep on working is because they are in the same company every day.
Yesterday, the company leaders approached my husband and talked to him. Perhaps the company also knew about the two of them, so my husband said he would resign after the New Year, but they still haven't cut it off. I asked them before if there is any interest relationship between them, and he said there is still a little bit more. I asked him before if you have fallen in love with the mistress? He said he can't talk about love, he has a good impression.
I have always been unable to fathom his current thoughts. Just last week, he told me not to ask when he broke up with Xiao San, whether he had sex with Xiao San, and whether he still loves me. He said that when he was with Xiao San, he thought about me and the child in his heart. No matter what he was doing outside, he said his roots were on my side and the child's side. That's what he said.
That woman is now the one who takes a liking to my husband and has money, but she has invested and lent money to him several times, but he didn't even ask for it. That's all.
reply:
1. Think carefully, a man sells his emotions or even his body in exchange for the benefits he wants. Do you think it's disgusting or not? Even if his statement is true, it is definitely intolerable. Therefore, it is normal for you to be unable to suppress your anger during his affair with that divorced woman. However, crying in the face of a man's infidelity and lacking wisdom and methods is not a wise move.
2. Since you know that your reactions and actions towards your husband's infidelity are not smart enough, you need to adjust your state and strategy in a timely manner. To deal with a man, you need to find his Achilles' heel, hit the snake and hit him seven inches! For example, if you have confirmed that he is afraid of divorce, then if he doesn't give up and doesn't need to make a fuss, he can be scared to death by making a desperate decision to leave him. You can take a tentative approach, change your usual anger to a peaceful negotiation, talk about divorce ideas, and see how he responds.
3. If he were to use that woman more, he would definitely not easily choose to divorce and would be desperate to ask you to stay. If on the contrary, they are just playing games with you and are more willing to maintain a relationship with that woman, then you should make plans early and plan your own future.
4. Many times, if you are not afraid of theft, you are afraid of being missed by thieves. The scariest thing now is that that woman has already missed your husband. Although your husband may not have truly fallen in love with her, if you don't improve yourself and enhance your competitiveness as a woman, you may be in danger of being replaced at any time. For this reason, from now on, you should no longer engage in direct conflicts with your husband, but learn to play hard to get and use circuitous tactics. Don't just focus on raising children at home, and don't put all your energy into the child. Instead, allocate some of it to give your husband some necessary care and attention. To understand how to establish communication and interaction in the spiritual field with your husband, and to have a sense of topic with him.
5. You should know that being a housewife is a very dangerous choice for women, not as simple as being complacent and plain. You need to enhance your own charm. So, while actively maintaining the relationship between husband and wife, it is also important to give oneself a sense of crisis. We should not just stay at home, send our children to kindergarten, and then use all our time to find a job, work part-time, learn as soon as we can, and keep up with the pace of society and the times. In short, we cannot live a comfortable life. By doing so, we can enrich ourselves, prevent ourselves from being eliminated by society, and have better communication and interaction with our husband at certain levels. Additionally, we can gain self-esteem through self-reliance and self-improvement, live our own life to earn money and spend our own money. We don't rely on watching a man's face to make a living, and we won't let him look down on you, respect you, and reduce his sense of superiority, He wouldn't be so blatant about finding reasons for infidelity and infidelity for himself.
6. Your husband doesn't want to break up with Xiao San because he can use this woman's relationship to obtain financial support and solve the need for extramarital affairs. Isn't it a beautiful thing. Perhaps only when he has had enough fun outside and is tired of playing with this woman will he completely choose to return. Perhaps he is playing and feeling, pondering how to make decisions, and slowly finding a balance of interests through comparison. Of course, the most likely psychological truth for him is that he doesn't want to abandon the rear of your family, nor does he want to lose the gentle hometown and profit field that woman brought to him.
