Post Date December, 03 2023
Feeling that the other person is so good during love can lead to a 180 degree reversal of attitudes during marriage, causing frustration at how you chose such a person as your partner. But can a divorce and re selection definitely solve the problem?
A client came to consult and said that she wanted to divorce her husband. The main reason was that her husband was incompetent and had no help in her career. But what she hesitated about was that her husband treated her daughter so well that she couldn't leave her father. The two people couldn't reach an agreement on the custody of their daughter, so they asked me to help her come up with an idea. I asked her: Is divorce the only option? She lowered her head with tears in her eyes. She said that her family also advised her not to divorce, but she felt that she needed a capable and courageous man to support her hard working career. She also revealed to me that one of her partners was a very capable man who recently divorced and was interested in her, leaving her without knowing where to go.
This lady's entanglement is quite representative. Most people have a "hypothesis" about divorce, that is, if a person falls into an unhappy marriage, there are only two choices: to continue with a painful marriage life or choose to divorce and regain happiness. However, this is not the case.
Research by marriage experts has found that there is no evidence that people who choose divorce to end an unhappy marriage are significantly happier than those who choose to continue their marriage. Two thirds of couples who claim to be unhappy in their marriage have returned to a happy life after maintaining the marriage for five years. In addition, the most unhappy marriages have changed the most: for those who believe their marriages are very unhappy, eight out of ten non divorced people have returned to a happy life five years later. Of course, this "recovery" process is not natural, but requires effort and is quite arduous.
In most cases, people who are not happily married are no happier after divorce than people who are not. Divorce has not significantly reduced the symptoms of depression and depression, nor has it allowed people to regain self-confidence, accurately locate themselves, and better control their own destiny. "Because a person is not aware of their problems and makes changes during marriage, they are less likely to make changes after divorce, even causing new problems.". Even if you remarry, the problems encountered in your previous marriage may be repeated. The accumulation of problems can cause stress to multiply. And after divorce, they are increasingly at a loss for marriage.
Therefore, to end the pain, one should not arbitrarily consider divorce first, but should analyze one's own marital situation and take corresponding measures.
