Post Date December, 03 2023
I grew up in a single parent family, and when my father was alive, I had a brief marriage. After my father passed away, the daughter of my second uncle's family introduced me to a man who was not born to his parents. I married him out of sympathy and now have a boy.
Since I entered their house, the conflict has not stopped. My mother-in-law is not like a person. She doesn't do anything and only knows how to play. Occasionally, she also chooses to do things. After coming to their house for more than a year, she doesn't cook. Sometimes I feel like she's not my mother-in-law, but I'm her mother-in-law.
At the beginning of the conflict, I went out to live. His parents didn't let his son sleep at my place, and sometimes I would come back. But every time I made out with his son, they would come over and call him away. When the two of us are talking together, they both have to come over and insert a few words. It's really abnormal. The most annoying thing is that they spoke ill of me in front of his son, causing him to treat me badly.
His son is always gambling, and we always argue about it. When his son hit me, his father came over and said to me, 'What else can you do after all the fighting?'? Every time his son hits me, they don't care if he tries to persuade me. I gave birth to a baby at home and asked his son for money. his mother told others outside that I spent their parents' money. I'm from other places. I don't know anyone else here. his mother always speaks ill of me outside. I can't stay here anymore.
Now my relationship with his son is getting worse and worse. I can't bear to scold me for being shameless and saying that someone like me can have any self-esteem. I feel disgusted even having sex now. I have decided to divorce, but he said if I dare to divorce, he will kill me. And the debts his parents helped him borrow outside, what should I do if they push the debt onto me after a divorce?
Reply:
Your confession makes it difficult for me to understand. According to your confession, it was your mother-in-law who intervened between you and your husband, causing their relationship to become increasingly strained. The conflict between you and your mother-in-law has become the main contradiction, and abnormal mother-in-law is the root cause of the disharmony between your husband and wife.
Is this really the case? I ask you to think about a question. You are the daughter-in-law they paid to marry back, their hope for inheriting their family line. Is it beneficial for them to have a strained marital relationship?
Generally speaking, elderly people without children tend to treat their adopted son and daughter-in-law better than the general population, as they lack blood support and are worried that they may lose the shelter of their adopted son if they are not good for their adopted son and daughter-in-law. You have become an alternative.
According to your account, your mother-in-law really doesn't like you. Have you ever thought about the reason why they don't like you?
From the letter, I think you need to reflect on three aspects.
Firstly, at the beginning of the letter, you criticize your mother-in-law for not doing anything and only playing, saying that it seems like she's not mother-in-law but you're mother-in-law. What is your psychological mother-in-law like? Do you think that mother-in-law should be an old lady, constantly working to serve the younger generation? Those who do things are mother-in-law, while those who don't do things are not mother-in-law? I believe that my mother-in-law has worked hard to raise her adopted son and finally married her back. With a helper in the family, it is also appropriate for my mother-in-law to take a break. Even if your mother-in-law is really lazy, I don't think you should say that about her. She is used for respect, not criticism. Being strict with your mother-in-law will offend your husband and father-in-law, and you will make too many enemies, which will not be worth the loss.
Secondly, if there are conflicts at home, you should not go out, let alone stay overnight. When there is a conflict, there are already many ideas between your mother-in-law and husband. As a daughter-in-law, you have to run outside and can't sleep back home. Isn't this a way of giving authority?
Thirdly, during the period of giving birth, you did indeed spend your husband's money. It's not an exaggeration for your mother-in-law to say you spent their money outside, so you don't have to be so angry. Did your mother-in-law's words hit your soft spot and hurt you?
Also, why does my husband scold you so much? I don't think it's just listening to your parents. You must have done something wrong and need to reflect on it.
The slap of being alone cannot make a sound, and I believe your husband and mother-in-law must have done something wrong. You cannot change them, just start by changing yourself and use your actions to influence their views on you. You are already in your second marriage, reflect on yourself and cherish yourself. That's what you should do.
Your husband doesn't agree to divorce you, which means he can't bear to part with you. I hope you can reflect on yourself and see how the good wives around you are doing. Restoring a good image of a daughter-in-law in front of her mother-in-law is the key to maintaining a good marital relationship. If my mother-in-law didn't have a strong aversion to you, I don't think they would have done things so passionately.
As for the issue of debt, if you really want a divorce and negotiation fails, you can go to court. I think the court has its own discretion, so it shouldn't be a big problem. How to make the family harmonious is the big problem.
I have said too much criticism, and you may resent me criticizing you without comforting you. I think solving the problem is the key, that's why I said that.
I understand your grievances and I hope you can understand my good intentions. Good medicine tastes bitter, that's what I mean.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
