At the classmate meeting, my husband's divorced female classmate hugged him in front of me and took photos. Later, I learned that she was not a good bird

Reader's Letter:

"My husband and I have been together for five years, dating for more than a year, and getting married for more than three years. However, over the past few years, there have been big quarrels and small quarrels every three days. I feel that I have lost trust with each other, and I am exhausted and unable to carry on. Last time, I made a terrible scene in front of my 2-year-old son, which should have left a shadow on the child's psychology.".

"I am consulting with you now in the hope that we will try our best before giving up. I hope you can objectively help us analyze it.". "Most of our quarrels started with me. In my husband's words, I fell ill and quarrelled with him every other time, but I definitely didn't do it for nothing.". A few years ago, I thought he really didn't care about me, which was a bit different from before marriage. Even during pregnancy, I had to rely on myself for everything. On weekends, I wanted to play mahjong with a group of pre marriage poker friends, who I had seen before and didn't appreciate very much. They weren't the decent people I thought they were. Several married men often tease and flirt with a divorced woman. The divorced woman used to be a pimp. At that time, no matter how much I blocked him from taking photos, they said they liked to play mahjong. Sometimes they lied to me about working overtime, and they often made trouble about it.

Later, after five months of pregnancy and vomiting, I squeezed an hour from Nanshan to Luohu to work on the subway every day. My husband was busy at work and never picked me up or escorted me, and he hardly accompanied me during the prenatal examination. At that time, due to my mother's' taking care of me here, I was not happy or just holding back. Later, when my son was born, I had a good relationship with my husband for a while, because there was no one to help with the child care. I couldn't trust a nanny. We discussed that I wouldn't resign and work part-time, and then I would take care of the child at home myself. Because I am engaged in overseas sales, I can work with a computer and mobile phone. At first, my husband was very considerate and tried to help me with some housework after work. Although he was still busy with his work, he had a very happy childhood.

After four months of this, my parents said they would help me take my children to work, but they couldn't stay with me for a few months, so they went back to their hometown because my mother had heart disease and my father had diabetes. So I went back to the state of taking care of my children while working, but perhaps it was because my mother was in love with him and wouldn't let him do any housework. Now he really doesn't touch any housework at all, except to help me take care of my children, crying tired when I come home, holding my phone when I have nothing to do, or watching TV.

The conflict has intensified in the past two years because he had a female classmate from elementary school to junior high school who had just divorced and had not communicated much before. However, during the January reunion, the woman touched my husband's head when she saw him. My husband usually resents being touched by others, but he was still happy. Later, the woman said that they hadn't taken a photo together, holding my husband's shoulder and taking photos in front of me. My husband worried about when she would arrive all the way, and he also sent a message to the woman who was looking for her at the hotel. My husband was very concerned about this woman. Later, after the party, the woman returned to our car and chatted for three hours together. When I was in the air, it was no wonder that the woman once told my husband that my husband understood her very well and looked like he was losing his soul during the reunion. I quarreled with him again. I said that I hoped he would stay away from this woman, and that the reunion would look like a social butterfly, and I would also mind touching my head and shoulders. Then my husband said that my thoughts were filthy, those were all beautiful things, and others had a lively and careless personality.

After this reunion, my husband stared at the WeChat group of classmates on his mobile phone every day, often holding his phone in his arms and giggling foolishly. During normal breaks, as soon as WeChat rang, he opened it and looked at it. Our family of three went out, and I always felt that he kept staring at his mobile phone when he was absent-minded. Later, during the Spring Festival, they had a classmate reunion, and the woman grabbed my husband's mobile phone in front of me. Later, I met another male classmate's wife at the reunion and told me that the woman harassed his husband. They had an affair and nearly divorced, which confirmed my view. "I emphasize again that my husband should not socialize with that woman privately, but my husband said that his moral problems have nothing to do with him. They are just classmates, and they need to communicate. As long as the woman is there, their group will explode.".

"My husband's private chat record with that woman was immediately deleted, and he had quarreled and called about it, but trust was no longer there.". "I feel like my husband doesn't care about me in his daily life, doesn't remember birthdays, and anniversaries never happen. It seems that everything related to me has no interest in him. I just need to work hard to take care of my children at home, do housework, and earn some money. I can make peace without quarreling with him, but I'm not a machine, and I also need to care.". "I have done everything well, and what else do I need my husband to do? I feel that marriage has become difficult to persist until now. I hope experts can help me analyze it, thank you.".

reply:

Hello, thank you for trusting Brother Shan. Judging from your confidences, your husband likes to be involved in unhealthy circles, which can be understood if it's normal entertainment. Personally, for the hobby of playing mahjong, I believe that holidays can be used as relaxation entertainment, but the key to being tolerant is to identify who to play with. Regarding the topic of classmate gatherings, Brother Shan also feels that it is necessary to treat them in two. At present, with the increasing frequency of classmate gatherings, some classmate gatherings have indeed served as a medium for extramarital affairs, desecrating the original intention of classmate gatherings to reflect on their classmates' love in the past. As far as your husband is concerned, he gets on well with a divorced female classmate, and later you have confirmed that this woman's morality is not very good, indicating that your husband is not demanding enough on his personal bottom line. No wonder you mind and get angry. I think any woman who cares about her husband will be angry. On such a matter of principle, it is necessary for you to stick to your bottom line.

"As a wife, you need to understand that complaining and arguing cannot solve problems. You need some business intelligence, and you also need to understand the nature and bottom line of this man.". If you feel that his nature is not as bad as you think and he just can't withstand the temptation of the outside world, then don't rush to choose a divorce, after all, he hasn't taken a step that you can't tolerate. "He and this female classmate are very close, and they also have hot conversations in private, indicating that he really means to be close to them.". Fortunately, you discovered in time that since positive reminders cannot deter him from further socializing, there is no need for you to engage in unnecessary conflicts with him. Anyway, you warned him and just keep an eye on him. I think through your actions, if he still cares about your marriage, he will choose to rein in his behavior. If he completely ignores you and your children, he will have to do something with that female classmate, You can only plan for the worst.

"He snubs you so much now that he doesn't take you seriously, even asking you according to his ideas, which indicates that he is a male chauvinist person and that you may still be inferior to him in terms of family status. For example, you need to rely more on him in terms of income, and he will have a sense of superiority in this regard.". However, from now on, you don't have to listen to his arrangements for everything. You need to maintain your independence, you have the freedom to work, you have the right to pursue a career and make money, and women must be independent and self-reliant if they want to avoid being manipulated by men. In addition, you should also be as cute as a woman should be, such as not being a resentful woman, being more tolerant and patient, being more gentle and considerate, and sometimes dealing with men requires both hard and soft. At critical moments, when dealing with issues of principle, women should not be soft, and those who should be tough must be tough, such as their hobbies, dating circles, and relationships with women; In ordinary times, women must learn to be gentle and virtuous, to appreciate and appreciate.

For now, if you still want to give each other a chance to continue, it's better to take the initiative to repair the relationship, see if you can rebuild trust and strive for improvement. If you still can't get him to improve, then plan for the worst.