Post Date December, 02 2023
The best love a father has for his child is to love his mother well;
The best love a mother has for her child is to appreciate and admire her father!
You can be together or separate, but you can't live without love!
Respect is the deepest level of love! Half of the child comes from the father and half comes from the mother. Denying either parent of the child is equivalent to unconsciously denying half of the child;
Furthermore, children are formed by the union of their parents' cells, so every child's subconscious desires that their parents are united. However, it is not easy for couples to live together, let alone to expect every couple to grow old together? So when couples get divorced, the key is how can we help our children face it? Do we understand the deep psychology of children?
According to psychologist Maslow's research, when a person's physiological needs are met, that is, after being full and warm, the greatest desire in the heart is love and a sense of belonging. They are like food for the soul, and if not obtained, it can make people feel empty and frustrated.
The greatest desire in a child's heart is the sense of belonging to connect with their parents, which transcends everything. So, how does a child connect with their parents? As mentioned earlier, it is to do the same thing as parents, because by doing the same thing, children can feel 'we are together', which is the need for a sense of belonging.
Therefore, children do not care about what they are doing, sometimes even touching the law, because strong psychological needs are like being able to eat when hungry, and even taking risks to steal food. Therefore, we need to understand the deep psychological needs of children, which means that they must be connected to both parents in order to meet their sense of belonging needs.
If a child lacks a connection to one side, it will make them feel empty and regretful, and the most unbearable thing for a child is that one parent negates the other and excludes the other, just like the inner half negates the other half, which inevitably leads to psychological division in the child.
For example, mothers often say that their fathers are not good and do not agree with them. In order to connect with their fathers, children will adopt a strong approach, that is, doing or happening the same things as their fathers. But because this is not allowed by the mother, the child may appear to listen to the mother, but privately they may resemble their father and even subconsciously follow his fate without realizing it. What kind of information are we giving our children when we deny our husband/wife?
Your father is a lazy and irresponsible person. Don't be like him in the future
Your mother loves money to the death, don't be like her in the future
Your mother loves to nag, don't nag like her in the future
Your mother doesn't care about home, you can never be like her in the future
Such children will definitely exhibit these behaviors when they grow up: laziness, irresponsibility, love for money, nagging, and neglecting their family. Why? Because he has a strong need to connect with his parents in his heart, but the information about his father/mother is all negative. Of course, he can only connect with this information and make the same behavior to satisfy the sense of belonging connected to his parents.
Someone said, 'I just kept it in my heart and didn't say it out!'! Don't deceive yourself, your child's senses are incredibly sharp. Even if they don't appear to be speaking on the surface, if you have this information in your heart, it will definitely be revealed unconsciously, and your child will definitely feel it. When a couple denies their status as parents due to the other party's behavior, the child will engage in the same behavior pattern as the excluded party. Simply put, the less you respect the other person, the more your child becomes like him/her.
So what should we do? Since connecting with parents is a natural psychological need for children, provide more positive information to meet their needs to connect with parents.
Child, you are really amazing. You are as smart as your father
You are as loyal as your father
You are as popular as your father
You are as filial as your father
You are as kind as your mother
You are as caring as your mother
You like learning as much as your mother
You work very seriously like your mother
Not only praising children, but also focusing on praising their "father like" and "mother like" aspects. Through this way, children will connect with their parents in the direction of good information, and their desire for a sense of belonging will also be fulfilled. Respect the other half as the child's father/mother and allow the child to connect with him/her:
If you were like your father, I would be very happy
If you were like your mother, I would be very happy
When a child's desire to connect is allowed, they will not be so strongly secretly connecting to denied shortcomings. Especially if divorced parents can do this, their children will surely have good development. They will learn that adults sometimes argue and couples may separate, but they can recognize each other's position and also recognize each other's parenthood. This is a very important example and a great blessing for children.
Therefore, please remember not to deny your partner's identity as the parents of the child due to their behavior, as facts will not change due to concealment. Denial or concealment will only lead to the child being unconsciously denied.
