Post Date December, 03 2023
There is a peculiar phenomenon among modern people that they consider speaking straight as an advantage. Although this is understandable, after all, in modern society, lies and hypocrisy have become a norm, so people tend to treat people who don't beat around the bush as a form of clean water.
But many people will take advantage of this situation, distorting their own lack of attention and thoughtfulness into an excuse to avoid thinking for others, relying on my straightforward speaking. So much so that more and more people are only seeking their own convenience, and there are more and more consumers who cannot control their emotions and feel like they are paying me.
This is not a true temperament, it is not a simple and straightforward one. Not to mention being frank and straightforward. This is just a selfish person who speaks without thinking, disregards others' feelings, does not restrain emotions, does not fear influence, and recklessly only seeks personal pleasure.
In the process of growing up, I have never actually realized how many losses I have suffered and how many people's hearts I have hurt without realizing it? Perhaps it may not be annoying, but at least it makes people want to distance themselves.
I often tell my own training instructors to make good connections, but how to speak up is crucial for whether you will make good connections.
In the process of being a lecturer and running a fan group, I have experienced too many questions. Some of them may make me feel the need to wake up the other person forcefully, but I have gradually realized that when we speak straight, we hurt others but think we are helping them. This is the reason why we make our speech very straightforward and formal. If we really want to help each other, we should say something that they can listen to.
Communicate the same thing in a comfortable way, rather than using an excuse that I don't want to do because I didn't say I'm sad. However, if I don't use the excuse that I think it's hurting you to express myself quickly, and communicate with the other person in more than one face-to-face manner, it will naturally cause discomfort.
This world has never been fair, power is controlled by people, and rules are also set by people. As long as you can handle people, you can solve most of the problems in this world.
Making people comfortable is not equated with insincerity or hypocrisy, but with the same thing. The key is how you express it and how to make people understand your meaning.
1. Avoid treating others in a top-down tone
But if you can communicate with the other party in an equal manner when you are one level higher than them, they will not only feel respected, but also more willing to communicate and cooperate with you.
The communication mode between the above and below is vertical, which means that the communication mode is either above and below or above.
For example, seemingly positive statements like 'great', 'good', and 'well done' can actually make people feel uncomfortable, because if the other person feels that their status is equal to yours, but you use these top-down encouragement statements, it will create a feeling of 'how powerful are you?'? The feeling.
Direct comments can also create a top-down feeling, such as I think you're too... or if you were... you wouldn't be... etc.
This is an experience I have personally experienced. I once had a friend who I admire and even admire very much. When I think he has a higher status or stronger abilities than me, his tone of praise will make me very happy and feel affirmed by someone who is better than me.
But as I gradually improved my abilities in the same field to the point where I thought he was similar to me, he still spoke to me in a approving tone, which immediately made me feel very uncomfortable. Of course, the following attitude towards speaking up can sometimes make people feel uncomfortable. If the other person thinks you are taller than yourself, but you intentionally use the following tone to talk to them, the other person will think that you are deliberately provoking them.
Or even if you speak in a lower status tone even though two people are in an equal relationship, it can also cause embarrassment and discomfort for the other party.
2. When the other party doesn't want to listen to you, please don't be a jerk, recognize that everyone has their own homework
If we agree, when you don't think you need help, others' perceived help becomes a form of arrogance, and help becomes a form of sympathy rather than empathy, a top-down concept.
So when someone else doesn't want or want to listen to their advice or accept their help at this moment, please don't assume that taking the initiative to be unfaithful will be helpful to that person. You are only helping yourself create evil karma and making the other person feel psychologically uncomfortable.
When a person sincerely wants to seek help and advice from others, and the other person wants to listen, it is the time for you to speak up.
When the other party doesn't want to listen, even if you say it, they won't listen, and sometimes it can have a negative effect. Knowing that everyone has their own homework to deal with, and we also have our own, so besides managing our own affairs, being a self righteous cock is not necessary.
3. Try to use metaphors as much as possible and use questions to guide the other party to provide their own answers
We are all human beings, and of course, we have a subconscious backlash against criticism.
Even assuming that today is when the other party wants to know where their shortcomings are and wants to know from you, and you also know their shortcomings, the best way is not to directly point out their shortcomings, but to try to make them think of themselves through empathy and a third-party approach.
And how to achieve such an effect? There are two methods, the first one is metaphor and story. When you shift the focus of the protagonist to another character, but when explaining a story that shares the same principle, it is easier for the other person to take the pressure away from themselves, which makes it easier to objectively think.
For example, if the other person's weakness is very obvious, you can tell a story, apply the same situation, and use the sentence that is very obvious to the other person to make them feel uncomfortable. Another approach is to use questions to guide and use statements that you think... you will... to get him into the situation and empathize with others' views on him. At the same time, avoid using a vertical communication tone to make the other person defensive.
This type is parallel, which means there is no high or low, and it is an equal communication mode.
4. First, understand the other party's motivation
How could you be like this? You didn't even think about the consequences? Don't you know... will?
When you use your own natural judgment to judge the behavior of others, if the other party confirms that they have done something wrong, it will stimulate their sense of guilt.
Once the stimulus that arouses one's own awareness of one's own evil comes from oneself, naturally others will think of past events and want to distance themselves when they see oneself in the future. I feel that I am not understood and that I am guilty in your eyes.
Instead of blaming directly, it is important to understand the other person's motives first, so that they will not simultaneously build a wall of remorse against you.
What made you do this at that time? What is the reason why you would want to do that? Oh, I can understand your idea, but perhaps he doesn't think so. Such statements can make the other party feel that they have been understood, and then explain the possibility of other perspectives for rational discussion, which is better than blaming directly.
5. Before speaking, pause for 3 seconds to think about the impact of what you want to say on the other person
Whether it's a joke or something you say, especially during your most relaxed moments, it's important to pay more attention to what you say. Usually, we say the most hurtful things unintentionally, and even think that I really thought it was nothing to do or say at the time. It might be just to create some humor, but I didn't expect it to make the other person very unhappy or leave a cumulative impression on you by the people on site, If you experience similar situations a few more times, you may accidentally become stereotyped.
Always pay attention to what you say and do, because what you say and do is actually seen and heard by everyone in their hearts. People inevitably make mistakes, and once they accidentally say or do something wrong, they should immediately admit their mistake, even if the other party may think it's nothing.
But although this kind of thing happens small, it can be terrifying to gradually accumulate, and once it accumulates, even the reversal cannot be reversed. Everyone cares about different things, so you should always be very careful when speaking, and the three seconds before each speech are the best time to practice empathy.
