Post Date December, 02 2023
Before getting married, my friend said that marrying a female tiger was the great sorrow of a man's life. When he talked about this topic, he quoted allusions and wept uncontrollably when he was emotional. It was really: Hedong roared and his husband shook three times; The daughter-in-law stared, and the man knelt on the washboard; When his wife is angry, he lives in the street.
But after I got married, I found that hearsay was absolutely wrong.
I married a female tiger, but I didn't think there was anything bad about it except being a little bit bitter, tired, weak and empty.
At the beginning, I also kept silent. Later, I was scared, and then I bowed to my ears and helped the tiger. After rigorous study and careful training at the University of Galletown with my daughter-in-law as my tutor, I have made great progress in all subjects. With my own efforts, I have gradually grown into a comprehensive, professional and loyal family order executor. To sum up, I have made great progress in the following eight areas.
1. Apply the knowledge of overall planning. My main work after work includes: ① buying vegetables, washing vegetables, cooking and cleaning; ② Wash your wife's hair and feet; Wash, iron and fold clothes; ③ Post on the Internet for her wife, chat with netizens for her, and upgrade CS for her (upgrade at least once a week); ④ Call her wife's parents, grandparents, grandparents, seven aunts and eight aunts to greet her, and call her cousin to help her with math, English and Chinese in high school; ⑤ Finish the wife's facial mask, massage and other beauty work before going to bed.
If the work is done step by step, can it be done without eight or nine hours? After my key analysis and gradual exploration, I have formed a perfect overall work management model, which has basically reached the international level. The latest achievement is that I can finish all the work before midnight, saving two hours and fifteen minutes compared with the previous one. I can use this time to sit on the kitchen bench and eat dinner calmly (note: my wife eats leftovers. In order to save electricity and gas, I'm not usually hot).
2. Mathematics and legal knowledge are fully used in the vegetable market. Before I go home after work, I need to go to the local food market and buy food according to the recipe approved by my wife the night before yesterday. As the saying goes, what I buy is not what I sell. I should not only keep my dignity, but also ensure that the only way I save my private money is not blocked. I tried my best to make up for math. Any three-digit multiplication can be done in 10 seconds, and addition and subtraction are not to mention, so as to avoid being misled by peddlers. Of course, there are also idiosyncratic ones. I will make full use of my legal knowledge to make them feel overwhelmed.
The fat sister-in-law who sells tofu gave me half a tael of shredded tofu and wanted to earn me 5 cents. I angrily dragged her into the market office and fined her 20 yuan. Before going out, the comrade in the office affirmed my behavior: "Remember, don't look for me for such trifles in the future." Is there any mistake? Is it me who punished her?
The Erya who sells cucumbers weighed me two jin and three liang cucumbers. My first is two yuan and seven cents, and she wants me two yuan and one; I won't do it. She said to round. I replied: the round should be two yuan and three cents; Another five cents should be one dollar and ninety eight cents. I give you two dollars and you still take advantage of it! If she didn't do it, she insisted that I was wrong, so we argued endlessly. I broke breath with her for 45 minutes before she was convinced. With the seven cents I won back, I was angry that she had sacrificed my precious time, so I took a head of garlic and two green onions as compensation. She was very jealous of my wife, and desperately shouted to my back, "I have never seen a man like you".
3. Summarize physics knowledge in life. When I am with my wife, I have to sleep with my eyes open. I always feel that time passes slowly. I took a risk to participate in a weekend activity under the excuse of working overtime. Fortunately, she was taken care of by the beautiful girl in the company office and danced with her. As a result, I became addicted to dancing. I pulled her to dance for three hours and six minutes, until MM collapsed and collapsed in my arms. Therefore, I have a new understanding of Professor Einstein's theory of relativity: three minutes with my wife is like three years; With beautiful MM for 3 hours, it seems that only 3 minutes have passed.
4. I have learned a lot from the application of philosophy. I have always used the "two points theory" to educate my colleagues who have the tendency of male chauvinism: everything has both good and bad sides. We must look at problems in a comprehensive way, and never blind the eye to one leaf. Don't you see: Although my wife has a big temper, she is extraordinarily beautiful; Although I can't drink alcohol at ordinary times, it ensures that my blood pressure is not high, and strictly eliminates the occurrence of fatty liver and obesity in me; Although I stay at home on weekdays and am busy with housework, I am free from inhaling car exhaust. Moreover, on International Children's Day, I can go to the park for a day of wild play (at my own expense, I also need to bring my wife and sister's twins); Although the small things in the family are usually decided by my wife, I have to worry about it, which is the basis of longevity. What other people can't compare is that my family's major events can all be decided by me, but my family has no major events so far.
5. Apply what you have learned in physiology. Because of my own reasons, I became interested in physiology after marriage. I have adjusted and treated my own discomfort and illness through my dedicated research on physiology, pharmacology and pathology, and the effect is quite good. My main achievements are as follows: (1) After two months of marriage, I heard my wife's purr at night, and the convulsion was cured; (2) After six months of marriage, the unspoken problem of incontinence was solved when the wife shouted; ③ After a year of marriage, when faced with cartoons similar to the image of his wife, his legs and stomach were no longer cramped.
6. The sublimation of tactical theory. The first time my mother-in-law came to my house, I called her dog by the wrong name while chatting. After my mother-in-law left, my wife proposed to punish me. I was not convinced, so I said a few words. I was punished to sleep in the kitchen for a week, even though I later begged and promised. After several arduous and major battles, while studying the art of war and practicing it, I summed up the 20-character policy of self-protection in family conflicts: move quietly, move in and move out, be angry, be wilted, and stay away.
7. The harvest of psychology. After two and a half years of family life, my psychological quality has gradually matured, which my colleagues can testify. In April, the unit organized outward bound training. In the last event, I was the last to appear on the air grab bar, and all the people before me were folded. In full view of the public, I quickly climbed to the bare top of the 8-meter-high steel column. Just after standing, a colleague suddenly yelled at my wife from below. I immediately jumped and easily grasped the horizontal bar 3 meters away, so I was rated as an excellent development student.
8. Self-study beauty. In the 30 months after marriage, I made facial mask for my wife 152 times, manicures 61 times, red lips 19 times, and brows 8 times. My beauty skills are really high. Of course, the lessons of failure are also very painful, and I can't help but redeem myself. Once, when I was sleepy, I used toothpaste as a facial mask, which made my wife's face swell for a week, and her head was too big to wear a sweater. Therefore, I was punished for running to work within a month (42 kilometers a way, not less than the speed of the bus). Once again, when I painted her eyebrows, the area was too large and the position was too skewed, resulting in panda eyes. I gave up smoking and breakfast for two months and bought her a fake imported glasses to fool her. However, failure is the mother of success. I can now be an assistant in the beauty salon.
To sum up, there is still a big gap between my achievements and my wife's requirements. In order to achieve a good education for the next generation, I recently enrolled in piano class, poetry class, English class, popular song class, pregnancy education class, and early childhood education class. I will strive to successfully realize the surrogate pregnancy next year. I believe that with my hard work and my wife's constant supervision, my family will become more harmonious, happy and happy.
