Post Date December, 03 2023
"Sex", at my age and age, I believe everyone is no longer unfamiliar with this word. I can't remember how old I started to touch this thing. I can't even remember how many men I had sex with. I think I'm a rotten woman and a cheap woman.
I don't know whether it is due to precocity or innate sensitivity to this thing.
Probably very early. I have known about the opposite sex a long time ago. This so-called understanding seems to refer to their organs. It's really early to think of it. I was only 5 years old at that time. At that time, I only knew it was very funny. Two people dragged their pants to entertain each other, but I didn't know this was the so-called "sex" at that time.
The real boy ML was at the age of 15. At that time, he was very naive. Looking at his friends falling into the ranks of "non virgins", I began to fantasize. I even felt that being a virgin was still a disgraceful thing. I thought: "Is it this thing? It doesn't matter who it is? What era is it? You still pursue this thing, cut the stereotype!" I put pressure on myself and always thought that whoever wants it from me one day, I will give it, Finally, one day I am no longer a virgin
I don't love him. For him, I can never give him the love I want, because I was the kind of girl with high requirements, but I didn't know anything at that time. I always thought I was poor and had no right to choose others. It was my honor that others could choose me, because I thought I was an "ugly girl". I met him online. He said he loved me. I told him a series of my shortcomings, but he still said, "No matter what you are, I love you forever." I'm not moved by what he said. I just want someone to love me, hehe. At that time, we talked on the phone and talked about sex. I promised him that I would give him my virginity. (In fact, I have made such a promise with many men before, but after meeting, it has become a thing of the past.)
A few days later, we met. After meeting him, I knew that he was not my favorite man. He was ugly. When I remembered later, he was really worthless for himself. He has nothing worthy of my favor, such as appearance, literary quality, specialty, height, and clothing. No, no. His small eyes and face are like the uneven surface of the moon, his youth beans are all over his face, his short stature and outdated clothes. Now, I think "ugly" is really a crime. But you should know that such an ugly man has got my most precious thing, huh! When I think of him, I will not have a trace of nostalgia, nor hate, but regret that I should not give it to him. Without him, I believe there are others.
(Intern editor: Cai Junyi)
