Post Date December, 03 2023
My wife and I have been married for six years, have a lovely son, and lead a very ordinary life.
"I have never hit her, nor scolded her, because I am a relatively gentle type of man. My friends say that I have never been angry, but the surface always gives a very mature feeling.". After spending time with her, we bought a new house through hard work, and everyone else admired us.
In the past two years, due to my job as a manager in a private enterprise, my boss said that there was a responsibility system, so I had to work more and leave work later. I worked very hard. For 30 days a month, I couldn't wait for 31 days. I didn't have a rest on weekends. Every night, I left work at around 9 o'clock in the evening and went to work on time at 8 o'clock in the morning. Every day, I was used to it, because I was just a junior high school student, and I didn't want to lose my job, I managed to get through to today's performance and get 4000 yuan a month.
It is precisely because of this, I gradually neglected my wife's life, and I did not have time to go shopping with her on weekends, nor did I have time to go home and cook dinner together. Her working hours are one day shift and one night shift, and we can only be together in the evening when she is on the day shift.
When we had sex together, she always said that I was rude, sometimes she broke up in frustration, sometimes she just rushed to satisfy me. She once told me about these grievances, but I always felt that I had become very gentle. She still said I was anxious, and slowly we became disharmonious.
This year, just after the Spring Festival, I started working again. "I have a computer in my home, and during the day when she is not at work, she surfs the internet. She met a netizen online, who came to our city to find her at the end of February. It happened to be a weekend, and I was working overtime.". The netizen called, took a taxi to pick her up, ate together, went to the hotel, and everything happened.
"At night, I came home and found her abnormal. When I got home, she was cooking, and I helped her do it together. During the cooking, she received a text message from the netizen. I noticed it and she deleted it without telling me.". After that, the man also called, and she also answered. When I met, the voice sounded like a lover about to break up, very dull. I knew something big had happened.
Later, when she turned off the phone, we chatted. At first, she just said that a netizen came to see her, just for dinner, not alone, and with the netizen's sister. "I said why did you take a bath (because I told her when I went to work in the morning that I would leave work early and make an appointment to take a bath at the bathhouse together). She said, 'After dinner, I went to take a bath, and I took a bath with that netizen's sister.'".
"I knew she was lying to me, so I turned on her phone and the message from the netizen came: 'I didn't mean to have sex with you today, I'm sorry'..."
"I had a big head at the time, but I didn't hit her or scold her. I said that I understood the matter. Why didn't you tell me and still lied to me?". Later, she admitted and told me about the process, saying that netizens have a lot of temperament, something I don't have, and I didn't want to have sex because they were so intoxicated with her that I couldn't help it.
Later, when she slept, I stood up alone to leave, but she refused. She said she was sorry, but she knew she was wrong. Of course, I didn't want to part with her. I just tried her idea. That night, I asked her to cut off contact with her online friends, and she agreed.
The next day, when she went to work, netizens called her and sent her a message, which was the same. Of course, she deleted everything. When she returned home in the evening, netizens called again. She answered me in person, "Don't call me anymore, I'm leaving, you forget me." Later, she said to go to the city where her younger brother is located. I helped her buy a ticket and took her on the bus. When I left, I said I would no longer contact that person. After she left, I used my home computer and saw her new QQ. I went into her space to see her go to the netizen space and left a message, "Do you miss me?"
Recently, I didn't want her to leave me, so I called to ask her to come back. She said to leave for now. Today, we called and asked her if she had applied for a new QQ number. In fact, I added her as a friend, but she found out and added me to the blacklist. Later, I said that since you had uncovered me, I said why didn't you tell me if you had a new number, and in the new number, only the netizen was there. She said that she didn't apply for it, but the netizen helped her apply for it.
Funny, you promised me not to contact, why did he give you a QQ number, you still use it, and also go to his space to leave a message. "What's the guarantee you gave me? Even if I didn't go shopping with you before, buy you a wedding gift, or give you romance, I love you with all my heart, and my heart is full of home.". Can you guarantee that nothing like this will happen again? The answer she gave me was "I can't control myself."
Please help me, what should I do? Should I go find her? Should I give up my current job and live with her? I can't give up on her, but she can't promise me.
Re:
"You can't bear to give up your wife, but she can't give you any guarantee of returning to marriage. Perhaps she has her own opinions, but you don't know. This passive waiting makes you don't know what to do.". I believe that now whether you are with her or not, you will be very painful.
Because if you continue to be together, you need to shift the focus of your life for her, or you may give up this hard earned job, so that she can have the feeling of being loved; "When you're not together, you have feelings about her that you can't part with (I don't know what you're nostalgic for).". So, by comparison, which kind of pain can you bear more?
Perhaps you can try to choose a way of life that you can accept or that is more suitable for you. "Because it's difficult to change a person unless she's willing to change herself, but your wife is a person with strong emotional needs, and is far stronger in character than you, and she doesn't seem to be truly aware of repentance.". So what to do is to change yourself to adapt to her, which is not a simple question.
"Your marriage has long been fraught with hidden dangers. You put too much emphasis on your work and neglect your partner's needs, especially the sexual life you're talking about. The two of you have very different feelings. She has already raised many grievances with you, and you always think you're right and haven't received any attention.". "Your wife is mentally and physically unfaithful, and the responsibility is not entirely hers. You also have an unshirkable responsibility.". Your responsibility is to focus solely on earning money, ignoring a woman's most basic emotional needs.
And she values her emotions and needs more than money, which is your difference. Of course, your wife has a greater responsibility, and she should not use the extreme way of cheating to find her emotional satisfaction. This way of doing harm to her lover is almost irreparable, and it is even a fatal blow to marriage.
In a marriage with hidden dangers, it is sooner or later that something goes wrong. On the positive side, this marriage crisis is also an opportunity for you to repair your relationship. It's good to be apart for a while now, so that both sides can seriously consider what is most important and who is worth cherishing and striving for.
During this period of time, you try to find 10 reasons why you can't persuade yourself to leave her, and 10 reasons why it doesn't matter to persuade yourself to leave her, and then compare them before making a choice. Whether you are worthy of her love and treasure, I think she will also make a choice. Regardless of the consequences, you need to be prepared for expectations.
If you get back together, you have to accept her past experience and use Dim sum in marriage. If you split up, you should consider how to divide up your property and how your children will follow.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
