Post Date December, 03 2023
My partner and I were introduced by someone else. We dated on February 14th, 2015. My partner is two years younger than me, and at first I knew he was younger than me and didn't want to see me. I felt like he couldn't take care of others. After gradually getting in touch with each other, I felt like we could get along well. We got engaged less than two months ago. After getting engaged, my partner urged me to get married every day, and I didn't plan to get married so early. When we were dating, I felt that my partner's family was stingy because my engagement cost $17, 000. My partner said that their village was all $11, and they took so much. It's time for others to gossip. My partner and I are close to each other's villages, and we can ride an electric bike for up to three minutes.
I didn't want that much at the time, so I deliberately said it. He said this and I was a bit angry. Later on, when he got engaged, he still gave me eleven thousand yuan for three gold coins. My partner didn't even take that much, so he bought a necklace and ring, as well as a pendant. If the money wasn't enough, I still paid for it.
Let me mainly talk about the future. I got pregnant before getting married. I was pregnant for three months before getting married. My partner and I got married on February 15th of the 2016 lunar calendar. After getting married, I didn't live much at my husband's house. At that time, I was still working, sometimes in the dormitory, and sometimes in my mother's house. My partner never worked, and I stayed until May Day holiday. When my belly was big, I stopped working. My partner has been working for three months since I realized that I don't work. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are the kind of people who only know how to earn money. Even when I'm pregnant, my mother-in-law doesn't take care of me. They both keep my partner at home and don't let him work. They let him do farm work and cook at home.
At first, I didn't feel like my mother-in-law was stingy, but later I didn't work and spent more time at home. Gradually, I realized that she likes to take advantage of small things, is the kind of person who can only enter but cannot leave, and looks down on others. My partner's family bought a three bedroom, one living room house in the city for full payment, and I feel great about myself. Sometimes they talk to me both inside and outside, and I can hear it. I don't even speak up, and the more I keep silent, the more she talks.
Let me repeat what happened in the past month. We are in a stalemate now, and we haven't said that. However, my partner and I don't have a marriage certificate. For so long, my partner hasn't called me or sent me any messages. He's the kind of person who listens to his family's words, and their family feels like they have money, carry airs, and look up to everyone. My partner is still someone who hasn't taken on any responsibility, and I really don't know what to do now? I can't eat every day, I can't sleep, and I miss my daughter. If things go well, I'm angry when I think of his family making trouble at my doorstep and my partner's behavior; However, I'm afraid my daughter will hate me in the future. What do you think I should do, Brother Shan?
My partner still has psoriasis, and they kept it from me before getting married. Half a month after getting married, they went to XX to see a doctor. After recovering for a while, they have now become ill again, and their condition is even worse than before. I have never despised him. As long as I have money, I buy medicine for him. I told him online that he can treat psoriasis, and his family also despises him for spending too much money on medical treatment. I have never said so. I am so confused now, crying every day. I don't know what to do?
Reply
I don't know why. Recently, many of the letters I have sent me are based on marriage models where the female partner is larger than the male partner. In my opinion, it is indeed difficult to operate the sibling marriage model, and it is also more prone to problems. The reason is that young boys are often not mature enough, are more playful and uncertain, need to rely on others for many things, and even easily become a treasure man, lacking their own opinions. Not knowing how to take care of others, but instead needing others to take care of them, unable to bear the responsibilities and responsibilities on your shoulders, your other half may be like this.
You haven't got a marriage certificate yet. Is it because the man is too young to get married? You should know that the absence of a marriage certificate means that your marriage is not protected by the law. You do not form a husband and wife relationship. You can break up at any time, and the other party can sweep you out of the house at any time. Of course, you can also leave him without scruple. However, the child you are currently nurturing together is an existence that cannot be ignored. The child is innocent, and you need to fulfill your obligations as parents and take responsibility for this small life.
To be honest, I admire the boldness and courage of young people like you. Your life is too casual, and many things are not well planned. Two people can easily get pregnant and have children. Is this a responsible attitude towards oneself and others? As far as you are concerned, in the past, even though you knew that the other party's family was very stingy and had conflicts with each other during love and engagement, you didn't act cautiously. As a result, now that you have children, you start complaining about this and that, and you have backed away from marriage. What have you done?
Do you know why the other party's family doesn't like you so much? In fact, you are not good enough. You can easily marry others without a marriage certificate, and you can easily get pregnant for others without marriage. Think about your actions, can your mother-in-law's family attach importance to you? Many of your own things are not handled well, and there is no bottom line or principle in what you do. Of course, your "mother-in-law" will look down on you. In their opinion, no matter how you treat you, you have to continue living with others because they have the initiative. Anyway, the raw rice is already cooked and you know you won't easily leave your children behind.
I also think that since this is already the case, why not make the mistake? There is no perfect love in the world, nor is there a perfect mother-in-law. It is unlikely that you will meet a completely satisfactory lover and mother-in-law when you marry anyone, unless you have to be excellent and perfect enough on your own. So, let's weigh it carefully. If your mother-in-law is just a bit greedy and doesn't take care of you well, without any excessive actions or behaviors, and you and your partner also have a romantic foundation and can't give up their love for their children, then it's better to adjust your mentality and state to proactively salvage the situation and manage this marriage well. Perhaps through hard work, things will gradually improve.
If you really regret choosing this marriage now, have no attachment to your partner, and have no attachment to this family, then you have enough freedom and reason to turn around before you have obtained the certificate, and you can completely choose to let go. As for children, if you really care and love them, and have enough financial resources, you can negotiate with your mother-in-law to bring them with you. In short, you can compensate them with as much love as you have, as long as you fulfill your obligation as a mother at any time.
