[Question]
"I have been married for five years and have a daughter who has been having domestic violence ever since she became pregnant. When she hit me, I wanted to leave. Later, when I thought of the child, my heart softened. Over the past few years, I have been on tenterhooks every day, crying secretly every night alone.".
In recent years, I have no friends, even loved ones he doesn't like, and I rarely come and go. When my child was a few months old, I took her to the place where my parents worked, almost a city. If he didn't come back, he would insult me.
"I am very careful every day, and I am deeply afraid that any words will offend him. He begins to threaten me with my family, saying that he will not let them go. It's also hard to hear me scolding, and I don't leave any dignity behind. Even my family scolds me together.".
"We basically haven't communicated, and he won't listen when you're reasonable. No matter what you say, he gets angry and says he doesn't want to listen. You make a noise or fight when you say it.". "We don't have a common circle of friends. My friends all feel that there are problems, but he also blames me for not having friends. His friends are all social creatures, and I don't have much contact..."
Over the years, I have lived like a puppet, and I have long lost myself. Recently, because of something that others think is too small, he hit me with something. For almost half a month, I didn't pay attention to him. This time, I really made up my mind to divorce, but I still couldn't bear to part with my children. What should I do!
I mentioned divorce to him, and he has been talking about it for years, but it seems that he is just perfunctory about me spending the New Year. It's so annoying... Is it possible to leave or not? Go on, I feel like this is the end of my life!
For five years, I have endured his violent temper for five years. Because of my daughter, I have endured it every time, dispelling the reason for leaving. The verbal abuse, physical beatings, and spiritual trauma have made me resolve to divorce this time. For the first time, I feel so helpless that the entire world has isolated me! Every moment now feels like a torment. At first, he agreed to divorce, but at last, he refused! What should I do? Every time he started hitting me, it wasn't long before I was reconciled again because of my soft heart. This way, over and over again, I was about to collapse!
[Answer]
Those who are shrouded in the shadow of domestic violence and unable to walk out are as soft hearted as you.
Painful, helpless, repeatedly accused, but always held by a strong side, or threatened, or coaxed, the idea of leaving is temporarily put on hold. Because of violence, a moment of tranquility is relatively safe for victims of domestic violence. After every violent attack, there is almost always a period of relative peace. If in the future, we can "live in peace" as in this period, and the days seem not so unbearable. It seems that we can continue to be husband and wife and continue to live together.
However, such periods of peace are without exception brief, with the violence and injuries that follow, and the events that provoke the other party becoming more intense and more incomprehensible each time - you have no idea why he is angry, a careless word, a very inconspicuous little thing, or even if you stand there, it can be a reason for his anger.
To sue for divorce, the first step towards domestic violence is to step out firmly. The reason for hesitation is that you are not sure whether there will be a better life in the future. Whether leaving him or her and leaving this family is a better choice for you and your daughter - to be sure, stay away from domestic violence, say no to the person who waved his fist at you, and everything will be better for you. You no longer need to worry about being restricted in making friends, you can freely meet new friends and make happy and kind people; Don't be afraid of an unprovoked disaster. There will no longer be people who will use violence against you; Perhaps financial issues are also one of the factors that hinder your decision making, but no matter how much money you earn, even with violence, you cannot guarantee the personal safety of yourself and your daughter. Children don't want to see their father beating their mother every day and hear their crying. Your heart hurts, right? Be strong and stay away from domestic violence. Only by staying away completely can you say goodbye to the injury.
Also, in families full of domestic violence, the aggrieved party is often used to being submissive, and the occasional kindness of the abusive party can make them happy, as if life is dawning, but in fact, it is not. The person who is subjected to domestic violence is usually also the party under control, and will unconsciously succumb to violence, dare not resist, and even require the consent of the other party to make any decisions, fearing that the other party will retaliate against themselves, their children, and their families. However, this kind of humiliation results in the other party's intensification, and even repression to the end, leading to the collapse of their own spiritual defenses, and taking extreme actions to confront the other party. Therefore, once encountering domestic violence, it is necessary to take corresponding self-protective actions: 1. Maintain a safe distance, such as temporarily staying at a relative's home or returning to their parents' home, or inviting same-sex relatives to live with them for a period of time; 2. To observe the changes in the situation and determine whether the other party is experiencing occasional emotional out-of-control or covert habitual domestic violence, it is necessary to observe and then make a judgment. The timeline is more than half a year; 3. Take measures as soon as possible. If you find that the other party's domestic violence is difficult to correct and has a trend of development, or has been deeply harmed by domestic violence, you should firmly stay away from the person and use legal weapons to dissolve the marriage relationship if necessary. No matter how verbally threatened the other person may be, be sure in your heart that this person is the creator of the hardships of your life and must leave him, so that he cannot impose verbal and behavioral violence on you and your family.