Only by believing in the goodness of life can we change our feelings about negative events

You have heard the comforts of many friends. You think the greatest effect of those comforts is not healing, but can distract you from thinking about him for a while... When those comforts can no longer work, you start talking to yourself. You must concentrate on encouraging yourself to make yourself look less sad.

You walk on the road after work every day. There is no place to go. The person you used to be happy to go to has disappeared at the moment. Your only destination now is loneliness. No matter how many things you deliberately do to make yourself happy on the way back, when you open a person's door, you will be defeated again.

When you look at the people on the street, those people who are in pairs and form parties, their mood is always so easy to be seen; The most difficult thing to understand is the people who go forward alone like you. They always look so calm, but they seem to be thoughtful. You are curious. Are they still healing like you?

Do you have to work so hard to make yourself look less sad? Like you, they will suddenly hear themselves say to themselves at a certain moment: Can I really hold on any longer?!

You know the reason why it is easy to go in and difficult to go out.

People's feelings about the past events will change, and often change very much. This fact is quite consistent with the findings in the research field known as emotional prediction bias.

These findings show that we have always overestimated the duration and intensity of our feelings about the current events. For example, we expect that the duration and severity of heartache caused by breaking up will be much longer and heavier than the actual situation.

Facts have proved that there are many reasons why our feelings about negative events in the past have changed over time, including the point I mentioned earlier: negative events enable us to learn and grow. If these things do not happen, we will not learn and grow in this way.

For example, if we have experienced pain and disaster, we may be more compassionate and benevolent, so as to practice the need to love and give. Negative events may also make us more intelligent and able to deal with the curve ball that life throws at us.

Over time, there is another reason why we can see the brighter side of the negative events in the past: they give us the right to boast.

Although you didn't enjoy climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa, and didn't like the scary food you were persuaded to taste during a cultural trip to a strange country, these stories might be used in your first date with someone or at a boring company party.

Finally, negative events can also make us feel better about ourselves. When we recall negative events, we consciously become stronger and more resilient, and understand that we have survived these events.

This may be why as many as 70% or 80% of those who have lost their loved ones say they have found something positive from this experience; Similarly, two-thirds of the people who survived cancer confirmed that their lives became better after they were sick and cured.

Our feelings about the negative events in the past will become more positive over time, which points out a way we can use to cultivate happiness - simply pursue the best. Indifferently pursuing the best means having a preference for a particular outcome before the outcome of the event occurs, but not making a subjective judgment after the outcome of the event occurs.

The first part - it is not difficult to prefer one result over other results. We almost always prefer one result over other results.

The difficulty lies in the second part - no subjective judgment after the outcome of the event. One way to practice this part is to remind ourselves that if we will change our feelings about the negative events in the past anyway, we might as well consider doing the same for the current negative events.

This cognition also helps us not to judge the results we are experiencing subjectively. For example, imagine that you are ill and have to miss the company's year-end party.

How effective is the practice of recollection and introspection to avoid making subjective judgments about the results of events? Does recalling the negative events in the past really help you cultivate the ability not to make subjective judgments after an accident?

The short answer is yes. I learned this from my personal experience. But there is a trap: if you lack absolute trust in life, the effect of this exercise will not be so good.

When it comes to absolute trust in life, I mean to believe that good things will happen to you. I also believe that life is more kind than malicious and indifferent.

This kind of trust is important because it can make you more open to look for the positive consequences caused by negative results. As you can imagine, if you don't pay attention to the positive results caused by negative events, you may be trapped in negative feelings and unable to extricate yourself.

For example, if you don't open your heart to look for the positive results caused by the cancellation of a flight you have to take, you are unlikely to notice a massage shop just opened in the airport, or to chat with the person sitting next to you on a later flight, and find that the other person is a useful contact.

In other words, absolute trust in life has invaluable value. It can let you quickly put down the disappointing events in the past and meet the exciting new events.

What you don't understand is that the person who can easily hold and put down has really loved? If he looked forward to the future of two people as much as you did in the past, why could he not turn back later? And can we start again soon?

You had many questions during that time, but the person who could give you the answer has gone far. We waited in those unbearable self-questioning and self-answering, and finally got the answer. It was not the other party who gave us the answer, but we finally determined in that waiting that he was really not happy.

Only in the time of near hibernation can we finally have a good look at ourselves - yes! Maybe I am really stupid and stubborn. But when we meet the people we like, we are also brave, more brave than we originally imagined.

In front of love, we can really be very proud, because we are so sincere and not afraid to pay. The only thing we need to learn is to give our precious feelings to the right people.

About feelings, we are very real, so we also learn very slowly. Those who we finally chew out from sorrow will make us better in the end.

As for feelings, we are very deep, so we will continue to encourage ourselves in the end when we can no longer sustain ourselves. As long as we move forward, even if it is only 0.1 cm, it is you who are getting better and closer. It is the person who knows how to cherish you who is moving forward.

You are not recovering, you are becoming better; You are not losing happiness. You are finally sure that he is really not happy.

Hold on a little longer, you will always understand that there are too many things in life that can't go out and can't go on. In fact, those things that we think are still a long way to go are often only the last part.

You will finally thank yourself for taking that step forward as hard as you can, so that you can look back and see courage instead of regret after many years.