I am a person with a wife in name, but in reality, I still keep an empty house like before getting married.
My wife and I got to know each other through introductions. We both graduated from college and have good careers and incomes. In the eyes of outsiders, we are a happy and happy couple. During my love period, I tried my best to pursue and please her, and soon she agreed to marry me.
After marriage, I carefully crafted our 'love nest' and cherished it even more. But she always refused to stay in her "love nest", and her greatest pleasure was returning to her mother's house. When she stays with me, she always seems restless, and whenever she mentions returning to her mother's house, she looks happy. That's it, she always has four or five days a week to stay at her mother's house. At first, I thought she might not be used to her newly married home, so she had to take better care of her, washing, cooking, cleaning, all by myself, and taking great care to create a warm atmosphere. However, she was still obsessed with returning to her mother's house.
What disappointed me the most was that she also "planned to do things" with me in her marital life, which was only allowed on Saturday nights, and she ignored my requests at other times. Due to the limited time spent together, I have not been able to conceive my wife to this day. My colleagues who don't know the truth still make fun of my incompetence.
I know she grew up with the love of her parents. After getting married, she should not forget her parents' upbringing, show filial piety to them, and visit them appropriately. But she is so obsessed with returning to her mother's house that she cannot do without her parents. It really hurts me. How I wish she were a loving and caring wife for her husband, so that my tired body and mind could return to my love nest with a warm comfort. But after I got married, I never felt the love she gave me. When I talk to her, she always says she loves me a lot, but she loves her parents even more.
I live a very tiring life, and I can't hold on to it anymore. I feel like she doesn't love me at all. The days ahead are still long, and sometimes I also want to take the path of divorce. What am I supposed to do?
Mr. Zhang:
The marital living conditions you have reported are indeed rare, which is definitely abnormal. As we all know, marriage is a legal act in which loving men and women decide to live together for a long time. And your wife rarely lives with her husband after getting married. After more than two years of hard work, the situation has not changed.
Based on this analysis, your wife may have issues such as immature personality, insufficient preparation for marriage, excessive indulgence from parents, and low self-reliance. I have the following suggestions for this:
1、 Ask her parents for help. If your father-in-law and mother-in-law feel sorry for their daughter's "hard work as a daughter-in-law" or are reluctant to let her "get married", it is entirely because they have done "bad things" with "good intentions" and disrupted the normal married life of their daughter and son-in-law. You can regularly feedback your thoughts and dissatisfaction to her parents, so that they understand that your son-in-law has "independent opinions" and strongly opposes her wife's behavior of not returning to her own home and "living apart". This will encourage her parents to "persuade" and "mobilize" their daughter, and even take the initiative to "drive her home".
2、 Let her awaken herself. To make a naive and overly attached woman change her behavior, the first step is to persuade her to understand the significance of marriage and the obligations and responsibilities of being a wife. As long as she truly loves you, she should be sensible, take into account the overall situation, and fully awaken.
3、 Seek help from a marriage doctor. If both of the above methods are used and have no effect on her, then it is necessary to consider that she has some emotional disorder or even personality defect, which you did not discover before marriage. This requires seeking help from professionals.
Mr. Zhang, I advise you not to consider divorce for the time being, as your wife's "family complex" is not yet a matter of "deviant" principles. As long as he can change, the marriage can still be maintained.