Post Date December, 03 2023
[Question]
I have been married to my husband for 25 years, and recently discovered that he has had an extramarital affair. He has also had two children with that woman, a man and a woman, and they have been together for eight years. Now that I know about this, he travels back and forth between these two families, staying with me for two days and going to her place for one day.
The woman over there is making a fuss about him and me getting divorced, but he prevaricates and says, 'Let's wait until our child gets married.'. I love him very much and don't want to be separated from him. My husband doesn't want to leave me either. He said if you don't make a fuss, let's talk about it later. Now I feel extremely helpless and don't know what to do. Experts are kindly requested to point out the clear path. thank you!
Answer
He has two families, and this situation has already formed, and it is difficult to change it again.
Both women deeply love him, and the children on both sides are his own flesh and blood. He really doesn't want to let go of both ends, so he can only delay (the divorce will be discussed later) and appease (let you stop making trouble and have a good time with him). Neither you nor that woman can control him, nor can they influence his decisions. You all love him too much, or you love his identity, wealth, status, and other external things too much.
You can't bear to break down your family, and that woman can't bear to either. You both have the same mindset, thinking that the other person is a hindrance and that you are the legitimate wife, especially her. Obviously, she is younger than you, which makes her even more dissatisfied. She has been with a man for eight years without distinction, raising a man and a woman for him, and she thinks she has worked hard and achieved great success. Your husband is also impressive. On her side, she definitely claims to love her the most and won't mention any benefits to you. She even falsely claims that you have always been disharmonious just for the sake of maintaining your child. And in your place, he has always been a model of a good husband. In addition to being extremely busy with work, he often has extra work on weekends and holidays. He is truly impeccable - but now, do you see the truth? He's not so busy, you're being used by him to cultivate relationships with other women due to your vague and unconditional trust. It took a man eight years to find out that he was too accustomed to the comfort of life and the occasional indulgence of men. If he treats you better, you don't care at all about what he's doing outside.
You cannot tolerate two women having one husband. His betrayal did not hurt you much. In contrast, you are more afraid of sharing your husband with another woman. What you are afraid of is losing him. As long as he comes back, everything is easy to say. You are even more willing to return to a state where you were previously unaware. Your innate weakness makes you dependent on him and can only obey him. You're used to having him arrange everything for you, and you can't make your own decisions. The threat of divorce leaves you at a loss, and you, as a last resort, would never choose this path. He told you everything, knowing that even if you knew everything, you wouldn't divorce him.
But you need to understand the form of the development: his two illegitimate children are in their growth period, and he cannot leave them and their mother behind. Your child has grown up and, after starting a business, does not need as much care from you. Now it's two days with you and one day with her; After you acquiesce to having a home outside of his home, will it take her two days there, one day with you, or even one day a month?
On the surface, if you maintain your marriage, in reality, the winner is her. Whoever a man is with and who he is willing to spend more time with indicates that he cares more about whom. That woman is very clear in her heart, so she has been arguing all the time. In the past, she didn't make a fuss because of uncertainty. She is also afraid that after making a fuss, he will ignore her. Now that the window paper has been pierced, she knows her position in a man's heart. As long as she continues to strive, there will be a day of comprehensive victory - even if this victory is just exchanging the positions of your wife and lover with her.
What does this marriage mean to you? It needs to be carefully considered.
