My boyfriend who has been living together for three years is still lingering with his ex-wife

Www.jiangke. com/man/I have read many of your articles before and have benefited greatly. My boyfriend and I have known each other for over three years, and we have had many ups and downs, but those are not big issues. After a few days of arguing, we will automatically reconcile. Now, we are all getting married, the house is also being renovated, and even the advice has been printed. But I found that the relationship between him and his ex-wife was still unclear. Two days ago, they slept in the same bed again, and he himself admitted this. He said that after all, his ex-wife has been with him for nearly ten years, giving him the best of his youth in life. Moreover, when he divorced, he also felt sorry for her, so in his heart, he will always treat her as a lifelong relative, just like his own sister.

The reason why they slept in the same bed that night was because her mother came, an elderly person in her seventies, and their divorce had always been hidden from her. But nothing happened between them, please I must believe him.

A year ago, I also found out that they had lived together, but at that time, I broke up with him and their relationship was not finalized. Moreover, he was also drunk and had his ex-wife's sister and brother-in-law send him over. So although I have always cared about that matter in my heart, I still acknowledge it and haven't mentioned it again. But recently, I really can't accept it. They even brought out all the disgusting things from the past together, which made me feel painful and disgusting, and at the same time, I didn't want to marry him in such a foolish way.

Teacher, my heart is very chaotic now. I love him, otherwise I wouldn't have been with him for three years. My age is not too young, but I always feel that getting married like this is not suitable, and there is always a psychological barrier. I remember you wrote an article saying that if a man still maintains a close relationship with his ex girlfriend or ex wife, then women must be particularly cautious. Now, as a man like me, I still sleep in the same bed as my ex-wife. What else can I trust him for? Even though their marriage had broken down and there was no hatred between them, he said he would treat her like his own sister for the rest of his life... Thinking of these things made me feel scared and have no confidence in the future.

Reply:

I can understand your feelings very well. If the teacher were you, I would hesitate or even shrink back.

In the teacher's opinion, no matter what emotions your fianc é e and ex-wife have, or why they live in the same bed, even if they sleep together without doing anything, this is unacceptable to any normal woman. Men have a sense of responsibility and gratitude, which is originally a good thing, but if it brings pain to one party and instability to their marriage and family, it is very bad.

Although women always have a strong desire for passionate men, those men who are emotionally overwhelmed and lack a bottom line in terms of emotions often harm women throughout their lives. The teacher suggests that you should clarify your bottom line and tell him that between your ex wife and you, he must make a desperate choice, otherwise it will only be a breakup or a postponement of the marriage date. Of course, if he really harbors guilt towards his ex-wife, then you should also support and suggest him to make some compensation, and this compensation must be one-time and not involve any emotional material compensation.

The teacher believes that only by achieving this can you have a happy marriage in the future, avoid too much trouble, and never allow any connection between him and his ex-wife.

With all due respect, we should try our best to make people look ugly on this issue, especially those who have had extremely close relationships before and still harbor nostalgia in their hearts. We must have a thorough conclusion before marriage, which is responsible to others and ourselves. Because we are all adults, marriage is not just a family life, and we don't need to have too many naive fantasies about certain things. As long as it is a hidden danger to happiness, we should not allow it to exist.

(Intern Editor: Cai Junyi)