Post Date December, 03 2023
During a classmate gathering, I was amazed by some of the current situations when I talked about the way I communicate with my partner.
Classmate V is not tall, with wide shoulders and a plump figure. He has been wearing curly hair that has been hot and fluffy for many years. I asked her, "Do you want to have your hair cut? It's summer now, cutting it shorter may make it easier
Classmate V said, "I also want to, but my husband refused to let me have my hair cut. He also warned that if I cut my hair short without his consent, it would divorce me. He is so domineering, how dare I touch my hair
Actually, this is an exaggerated statement, but I can understand the emotions involved. Because her husband likes girls to have long hair, he naturally hopes that his wife will always maintain a fixed image, but with a slightly tough attitude in communication.
Although student V feels unreasonable, in order to maintain harmony, he hides his preferences for a long time and can only complain in front of his classmates.
A student, on the other hand, maintains the clear soup noodles of her student days. She has only participated in a classmate's meeting once in over a decade, and this time she made an exception to attend because of our constant encouragement. She is a good wife and a very diligent mother. Life is completely centered around the family, and she does not touch or exceed anything beyond this circle.
She said, "My husband is a very strict person who needs his consent to go out. We married women have long lost our right to freedom and autonomy. Unlike unmarried people, we can go wherever we like
When it comes to the issue of hair, she also agrees with classmate V. Due to the strong authority of her husband, who also holds the management power of her hair, she cannot dye or perm it. Therefore, she has maintained the same image for more than ten to twenty years.
I feel confused about this.
After getting married, do our parents hand over the second half of our lives to their partner, is it a transfer of "management power"? Before I got married, my father was a very strict person. When I went out, I had to report and get permission to go out. Even if I had a boyfriend, I demanded that the other party abide by his principles, otherwise it would be disrespectful to my elders.
Although I am an adult and have my own ideas and hope to manage my life freely, in reality, I still have to abide by my father's rules everywhere. Even if you are unwilling or unwilling, you still have to cooperate.
The idea at that time was that the father represented authority, respected the father, and also had a filial attitude. But at the bottom of my heart, I often have the desire to leave my family to protect my wings, so as soon as I reach the marriageable age, I marry myself off.
My understanding of marriage should be to embark on another life. We have left our original parents and learned to be independent, rather than falling into another box and losing our self-management rights. If you become a private property attached to your husband's name, 'I' will disappear, and I believe it will be difficult to have confidence.
Classmate C has also been wearing long hair for years, only occasionally pulling it up. Unlike others, her "hair" management comes from her mother, and it's hard to imagine that even in her thirties, she still adheres to her mother's principles. She said, "Our family only allows me to go to a beauty salon every two years, so I always maintain a similar hairstyle and avoid spending too much money on grooming. If I waste time and money on my hair, my mother will be very concerned
It is undeniable that frugality is a virtue, but as far as I know, her family environment is favorable, but her mother is very passionate about "restraining desires". Frugality is also reflected in C students, not only in their daily lives, but also in the face of many choices, they often lose opportunities due to hesitation.
It is difficult for me to understand and accept the loss of self-management rights. While respecting the other party, should I also express my feelings? Starting from your hair, you can decide what kind of styling you want and how you view yourself and your life with.
