Post Date December, 02 2023
Q: I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is doing business at home. He and I are helping at home. "We're getting married next year, but he's not motivated at all. He knows to play games every day.". "We've had a lot of fights over this, and I even wanted to give up.". I have tried to persuade him, but he never changed. What should I do?
The true partner is not someone who is not married when you are in love, or who is not married when you are not; It's someone who finds your shortcomings and still chooses and embraces you. In the face of his shortcomings, if you can exert your intelligence and successfully guide him towards the direction you want, it is certainly the best thing. However, from falling in love to getting along with each other, it is often difficult to make satisfactory changes to the other person. Changing others is sometimes like gambling. The greater the difference between your efforts and intentions and the final outcome, the more unwilling you become, and the more paranoid you become; If you add in the other person's lack of desire and awareness to change, then one day you will find that in the process of trying to change the other person, both parties will feel very tired and painful, and your marriage will even escalate into a nightmare as this fatigue and pain continues to escalate. Therefore, before you embark on this nightmare journey, you had better evaluate the situation and make careful choices.
You said you "wanted to give up", so it seems that you are still hesitating and haven't really given up. Perhaps the reason for this is because you feel that there are still things worthy of nostalgia in him; Perhaps it is because I have cohabited now, and although I really want to give up, it is already done and it is difficult to ride a tiger.
A: Marriage is the beginning, not the end, of a long marriage. Therefore, regardless of the above reasons, while you can still take time off now, be sure to seriously ask yourself: Which of his strengths and weaknesses is more important to you? Can you tolerate his shortcomings? If you can accept his shortcomings as well as his advantages, it means that you have found the person you want in your marriage life. Under the guidance of this mindset, changing his actions will not make both parties feel heavy at the same time; If accepting his shortcomings is a torment for you, then the idea of "marrying first, then changing him" is both unrealistic and dangerous, so it's better to give up now.
