"What are you doing?" "I was just in a meeting, and now I'm back in the office." Since using WeChat, Dong Dong suddenly realized that both the couple's "verbal conversations" have had a time lag. I won't mention the time of meeting. Now, not only is there a gap between conversations, but there is also a time difference. It's not enough to say a few words in a day. After the baptism of time, love is no longer romantic and sweet, and the attraction and novelty between couples gradually disappear. According to a British survey, a quarter of couples talk for less than 10 minutes every day.
Say less than ten words a day
Mass "communication coma"
Dong Dong and her husband are both ordinary wage earners. "My husband doesn't have any bad habits and tries to come home as soon as possible after work. Doesn't it sound very happy? But although we meet each other every day, we hardly speak much."
Every morning, the whole family seems to be fighting. My husband is responsible for preparing breakfast and Dong Dong is responsible for managing the children. "I kept saying, 'I'm going to be late for school', 'Move quickly', 'Why can't you hurry up?'... a few words continued until I went out." After coming home from work, the couple take the children to do their homework and the other cook. "Dinner was originally the best opportunity for the entire family to chat, but because the child was not good at eating, we had to wrestle with him for the remaining spare time. We managed to cram the meal into each other's mouths, and the entire family continued to work independently, one to take the child to do homework, the other to wash the dishes and clean the bathroom. After the homework was completed, we had to wash and sleep, and the child's father and child quickly entered a dream.". "I finally have my own time. Generally, I will play iPad for a while before going to bed. That day, I counted that we talked less than ten sentences a day. Once we were also people who spent at least half an hour or an hour on the phone Congee!"
A severe lack of communication between couples is known as "communication coma.". According to a British survey, even if we meet every day due to work pressure, couples are now communicating less and less. A survey of about 2000 adults found that a quarter of couples talk for less than 10 minutes a day. Too busy at work led to 4% of respondents completely ignoring their partner, and 25% couldn't remember the last time they had a leisurely dinner with their partner. Two-thirds of the respondents said that they enjoy spending these hours alone on social networking sites and tweets rather than cooking and eating together with their partner at home.
Gold exchange period
10 minutes per day
In a fast-paced environment, no one can avoid vulgarity. Xiaomi, who has been married for more than three years, said that communication is not a difficult problem, but now the biggest problem is that his heart is not as relaxed as before. "What we do now is to directly pursue efficiency, including communication. Short, quick, and ending."
"Xiaomi's husband's industry has a" overtime culture "." He and I haven't been together as long as my colleagues, and it's good to see each other for half an hour every day. For a while, we can only hold a quilt and talk 'pillow talk' in the middle of the night. "The couple talked quietly and looked very sweet," but the consequence is that one day when it comes to chatting, someone must be late for work the next day. "
If there is not much time for quiet conversation, then seize the golden exchange period. Xiaomi has found that there are two most critical communication times between couples. "Actually, they are just ten minutes long, and they are divided into two parts. Five minutes in the morning is the five minutes when you open your eyes but haven't got up yet, and five minutes in the evening is the first five minutes when the day is over and the two people meet again."
Xiaomi said that in general, these 10 minutes are only used to share some happy things, otherwise the family atmosphere would not be good all day. "Of course, everyone has unhappy things, so let's wait until we have time to chat slowly."
"Silence is golden."
To express love in response to the situation
There is a saying that silence is golden, but between couples, if they are also unsmiling and even feel speechless, it is necessary to be vigilant: Is there a crisis in their relationship?
"From the cases I have contacted, middle-aged couples in China now hardly communicate, especially around the age of 45." Ling Zi, a marriage expert in Hangzhou, told reporters that there are many reasons for not communicating, some of which are high work pressure and do not want to speak when returning home; Some have few common concerns, and both sides have nothing to say; Some people have contradictions and are not good at communication. They will quarrel when communicating, rather than not communicating.
Couples meet every day, but that doesn't mean they communicate every day. Because communication is divided into effective communication and ineffective communication. "My wife has been thinking, but my husband has turned a deaf ear. That's not communication, it's nagging and complaining." In Ling Zi's eyes, there are no hard and fast rules for couples to communicate, nor are there any skills to talk about, but it's best to go home every day and talk about topics that both parties are concerned about. Good communication and tone are important.
Ling Zi told reporters that the only topic of conversation for most couples nowadays is children, and a good marital relationship is the willingness to tell each other all aspects of life and share them with each other. Communication is a kind of emotional intelligence, but also a cycle. "A bad relationship must begin with poor communication. The consequence of not communicating is apathy and easy derailment. Couples who communicate well generally have good relationships, and good communication can further deepen their feelings, which reaches a virtuous circle."
It's easy to say, but not difficult to do. "For example, on January 4th, 2013, how many married couples would express their feelings? On this evening, I would say something more appropriate to my husband: 'I don't want to be with you all my life, but I want to be with you every day I live.'" Ling said.