Post Date December, 03 2023
In the first few years of our marriage, my husband and I had no major disagreements or conflicts, only minor frictions and arguments. The main reason for the argument is that his family's economic conditions are too poor, not only cannot help us, but also requires us to provide subsidies. You know, we just started working at that time, with very low salaries and little savings. In addition, our husband had to study for a PhD, and we had to pay for our tuition fees, so we couldn't afford to give any extra money to his family.
But there are always endless things in his family that require us to pay, which makes our relationship very tense and affects our relationship with him.
A few years later, my husband graduated with a doctoral degree. In the following years, due to his outstanding major, his career can be said to be smooth sailing, and he was successfully promoted to a professor and doctoral supervisor. With the improvement of social status and income, my husband's temper has become increasingly stubborn and his demands on me have become increasingly demanding.
He is already a typical male chauvinist, and I am not allowed to participate in opinions about things at home or in his work. Many times, he neither discusses with me nor greets me, all of which is his own opinion. I work during the day, come home from work to do housework and take care of the children, but even so, he is not satisfied. As long as there is one thing that is not done well, he will harshly scold me.
Faced with his arbitrary behavior, I was very angry. You know, he used to be a very hardworking man who was also very considerate to me, but with his busy career and increasing social status, all the tiring household chores fell on me alone. I can also understand and support these things, but I hope he can understand me a bit, value me a bit, and give me some care and consideration. However, he only cares about his own needs and doesn't care what I'm thinking.
I'm fed up with it. Apart from work, I just manage my children and do household chores every day, and I don't have any personal space. Occasionally, I have to ask him for leave if I have anything to do. Sometimes when I go shopping and have dinner with friends or colleagues, I also receive a call from them asking me to go home immediately, because he has something to go out and the child is not taken care of. Perhaps in his opinion, if he gave me a substantial material life, I should be satisfied and not need friends or spiritual pursuits.
Because of his constraints and restrictions on me, I don't have time to go out for gatherings, let alone make friends, and my life circle is becoming increasingly narrow. My unit is a place where intellectuals are concentrated and there are many women, so I can only speak with caution in my work. Who knew that living at home was so oppressive.
Perhaps because of these inherent problems in marriage, our marriage has gradually evolved into a "sexless marriage". When the child was young, we slept in separate rooms. Now that the child is older, we seem to have become accustomed to this "roommate separation" approach.
My husband doesn't seem to need sex, I don't even ask for it. But I am a normal woman, eager for caress and warmth. At the same time, I am also a woman with a strong sense of self-esteem, and I cannot always have the courage to make requests proactively. Moreover, his appearance of not being able to give and not wanting to give left me feeling hurt and devastated.
I have thought countless times about ending this indescribable marriage, but when I think about public opinion pressure and my lovely son, I don't have the courage anymore. After thinking for a long time, I decided to face reality, play with my husband, work hard, take care of my children and family. However, doing these things well requires strong support and a good mindset, and my heart lacks any strength. Countless nights, I silently cried and shed tears, lonely and helpless, suppressed and wronged.
At this moment, another man appeared in my life. His name is Atao (pseudonym), and he was a classmate of my good friend when he was studying for a PhD. At a party, we got to know each other. As soon as I saw Ah Tao, I felt a hint of appreciation in his eyes as he looked at me.
Although Ah Tao became a boss after graduation, he remained very refined, with a calm, mature, open-minded, and cultured demeanor in his speech and behavior. We seem to have met before, and our impressions of each other are very good. Perhaps it's because I have a deep connection in my heart. After this gathering, I often receive greeting calls from Ah Tao. Although there are no specific things to discuss, there is a sense of spiritual connection between the two parties, like a very close friend.
Six months later, one day, I suddenly received a phone call from A Tao. I could feel that his mood was very depressed, as if he wanted to find someone to talk to. We talked for over three hours this time, and he talked a lot about his family.
He had a difficult initial stage of entrepreneurship, and his wife did not provide him with any support or understanding, but instead showed indifference and selfishness. Later, he proposed a divorce, but the woman did not agree. At that time, the child was still young, and he wanted to wait until the child grew up before considering it. Later on, his career improved, but his family life did not improve. He remained depressed and confused, both wanting to end his marriage and afraid of affecting his children. After hearing this, I comforted him and advised him to endure it for the sake of his children and to manage his marriage well.
Unconsciously, we walked into each other's hearts, feeling a sense of mutual need. In times of loneliness and solitude, when we have leisure, we occasionally meet. Although we only see each other once or twice a month, the quality of the conversation is very high, and both parties feel a sense of satisfaction. Many times, he drives me to the suburbs, and on the long road, we don't say anything, just enjoying the quiet and beautiful time.
We feel great together, not only having a harmonious sexual life, but also providing support and comfort to each other's hearts. A Tao asked me if I am happy in life. If I am not happy, he can consider rebuilding a family with me and raising two children together, but I refused. We are both traditional and rational people. A chance encounter allowed us to understand and trust each other, but we are also responsible. Therefore, we made an appointment to accompany each other in life without harming our families. We will make up for the warmth we cannot get in marriage.
In this way, we enjoyed two wonderful years together. Originally, we were supposed to be together for a lifetime outside of marriage, but life is full of variables. Recently, he said he wanted a divorce, and I knew I couldn't persuade him anymore. I have advised him countless times in the past two years.
During this, he also asked me if I would marry him if he divorced. I didn't answer because I knew it was impossible. After all, the two boys were old and had their own ideas, it would be difficult to get along with each other. I didn't have the confidence to be a good mother to my two children. Besides, although I live an unhappy and unhappy life, if it really leads to a divorce, I still don't have the courage.
Although I resent Tao in my heart, I also understand him. He is a man who values love and righteousness, and has a sense of responsibility. Choosing to divorce now is definitely not enough. I know that after his divorce, he will inevitably seek a new partner and start a new life, but I cannot divorce and accompany him, so his divorce means my departure.
I cried for a long time, and then while shedding tears, I wrote a letter to Ah Tao: Ah Tao, don't give up any opportunities because of me. If you meet a satisfactory woman in the future, you must cherish and love her. Although I love you deeply, I cannot be with you for a lifetime, and my heart hurts. Perhaps a few years later, you will remember a woman who loved you very much and chose to give up in order to make your marriage and happiness successful
After the letter was sent, there was no response. My heart was in turmoil, speculating about what had happened on his end. Why didn't he reply to the letter? In this way, I waited for another three months in agony and unease, but he still had no news. For this relationship, I used to work so hard to make it our eternal sustenance, but now it's empty, as if nothing has happened.
Actually, I am very grateful to Tao. His appearance made me, who was imprisoned, love and be loved recklessly. That's enough. The little moments we spend together are enough for me to remember for a lifetime. I will bury these deeply in the deepest memory, always keeping a space in a corner of my heart, which is our own heaven and earth, recording every scene and every touch when we are together
Back to reality, I had to face my own sexless marriage. Of course, I also understand my husband. He is very enterprising, hardworking and dedicated, and he also has to work part-time during his break time, so he is very tired every day and lacks the time and energy to relax and improve his sexual life with me.
Faced with his tired figure every day, I also feel sorry for him and understand his pressure and hard work. Therefore, I no longer make sexual demands on him and actively give up the idea of enjoying sexual life.
In the hotline, there are many women living in "sexless marriage", they are very painful, but there is no place to talk. Because there is no satisfaction in marriage, it is easy to have "extramarital affairs" or "extramarital sex" once there is a man around who cares and loves her.
They know this is not right, but under the torment of pain, they find it difficult to control their rationality. They neither want to disrupt their family or give up their marriage, but also want to have a normal married life and relationship. So they are both driven by desire and constrained by morality; While suppressing, I also want to release.
