I accidentally saw many photos taken by my second married husband for my ex-wife, which made me so sad

I am getting married for the first time and have been married for over six months. My husband is a second marriage. He and his ex-wife have been together for 12 years, but after two years of marriage, their ex-wife cheated and got divorced. In the past 12 years, women have cheated many times, and they have been on and off, so I have always felt that my husband really liked that woman at the beginning.

After being with me, he was very kind to me when we fell in love, so I got a certificate after less than half a year of dating. After marriage, I feel that he doesn't care as much about me as before, so I always have arguments and arguments with him. A few days ago, on his computer, I accidentally saw the photos he had taken for his ex-wife, which were many of their years together, including wedding photos. He took many photos of his ex-wife, and when we went out, I wanted him to take them for me, but he wasn't in the mood or just perfunctory. I was very sad after reading it, very sad.

I'm sure he doesn't care about me that much, but I can't tell my husband that I've seen these photos and feel that it's his privacy. I should respect it, but I feel uncomfortable every day. It's not because they are so harmonious and beautiful together, but because he may have been with me for the second time, he won't be as attentive as the first time. I take him seriously and care about him very much. I live in this torment every day, which also affects my interaction with him.

He asked me what happened and why I was not happy. I can only say that I am not feeling well and in a bad mood, but when I see him, I feel a sense of resentment in my heart. Why can't he care more about me?

reply:

Some people say that second marriage can be heartbreaking, because those who have experienced a marriage before become cautious, even worried and fearful when facing new relationships. It's normal to think about it carefully, after all, a person instinctively retains a feeling of joy or sadness in their memory after being baptized by previous emotions, and then unnaturally makes comparisons and references when facing new emotions.

As far as your husband is concerned, he has had a failed marriage and his own old love. Although this relationship has been shattered and the fault is played by his ex-wife, in his heart, after being together for 12 years, he may still feel reluctant to part with his ex-wife and still feel nostalgic because the complete abandonment of a relationship not only depends on his own will, but also takes some time.

Therefore, after reluctantly choosing to divorce, he will instinctively replace the old relationship with a new one, and will be filled with higher expectations. However, if you lack patience, tolerance, and understanding during this process, it will only make him disheartened and lose his enthusiasm for you. In addition, the state of pre marriage and post marriage cannot be compared, and one must not require the other party to immerse themselves in the state of pre marriage love in the treatment of themselves after marriage. One must be brave enough to accept this gap, because it is an objective existence. Also, don't easily argue with the other party, but patiently settle your feelings with them.

Since you have chosen a second married man, you need to give him some space for his ex-wife, whether he is storing photos of his ex-wife or harboring a deep longing for him, including the possibility of having some interactions with his ex-wife (such as because of children, etc.), which are all things you need to face directly. Of course, these must be within your acceptable range under his moderate and reasonable circumstances, otherwise you have the right to express your dissatisfaction to him. But no matter how dissatisfied you are with the other party, the smart way is not to argue and confront, but to choose effective communication and exchange, which will help solve the problem.

For you who also want him to take some photos for you like he did for his ex-wife, but he is not in the mood or just perfunctory, I think this state is indeed very hurtful on the one hand, and on the other hand, it is enough to indicate that your relationship has not yet reached such a strong level. Therefore, the relationship is not successful, and you still need to work hard. It is useless to feel sad and tortured for this, but it is important to manage it with your heart, Put in a wholehearted effort. Since you have chosen him and care so much about him, and since you love him more than he loves you in the current situation, the ultimate direction can only be: or you choose to tolerate and endure for love; Or you can choose to have a frank and heartfelt conversation with him; Alternatively, if unwilling, they may choose to go their separate ways and go their separate ways.