Post Date December, 02 2023
I have been married to my husband for two years, and my child is almost one year old.
Since my husband learned that I used to be a junior, our peaceful and warm life has been broken. He no longer has the previous care and enthusiasm for me. No matter how I explain to him, admit my mistakes to him, or confess to him, it will not help. He always tortures me in different ways.
I don't know how to explain my past to him. I told him repeatedly that I had nothing to do with that person since I fell in love with him. Now I love him and my family wholeheartedly, but he still continues to look down on me and humiliate me, saying that I hid my past and cheated him.
He often goes out to play and comes back in the middle of the night. Sometimes he doesn't go home at night. He either rubs mahjong and plays cards or washes his feet and massages. I knew he was angry. I didn't dare to call him or ask him why he came back late.
No matter how late he comes home, he will wake me up. Whether I want to or not, he will force me to have sex with him. His actions are rude and completely ignore my feelings. The more I don't want him to do it, the more I feel like being raped by Qiang.
I hate him for treating me like this. If I refuse him, he will say, "Don't you like doing it very much? Don't you want to do it with me? Do you want to divorce?" I am speechless and can only compromise.
Now more than two months have passed. I confess my mistakes and serve him warmly and thoughtfully, but I still can't dissolve his indifference to me. I am miserable but helpless. Thinking that he can't forgive me, I sometimes want to divorce ruthlessly. But thinking of the child, I can't make up my mind. What should I do?
Reply:
"Once a junior" has become the past that you don't want to touch in your life. It has nothing to do with that person. You deliberately hide this history from your husband, indicating that you want to wave goodbye to "being a junior". Regrettably, my husband still knows your past, and he began to torture you, making the originally warm home suddenly cold. You and he are experiencing a marriage pain, and understand your pain.
It is hard for any traditional man to suddenly know that his wife has been a mistress. Knowing that he thought of you too perfectly before, just like a person who suddenly found an ugly crack on an antique he bought with love and love at a high price, suddenly he really couldn't accept it. His reaction is normal now. He needs to vent his anger and take time to persuade himself to accept your "disgraceful past". He is also suffering. He is trying to heal his wounds with his own method. I can see his love for you from his pain. It is the so-called "deep love and hatred." If he does not love you, he will not have such a strong reaction. He will divorce you and draw a clear line with the disgraceful you.
I know that you are very upset, but all this is caused by you. When you are upset, think about your responsibilities. Taking some responsibilities on yourself will help you achieve psychological balance. Just pay off the debt owed by "young and ignorant".
This time must be long enough for you after more than two months, but for a man who has suffered such a severe blow, this time must not be enough to come out. You have to give him time to be ready to postpone acceptance.
He also knows that it happened before you knew him, but he still can't accept it psychologically. You have children and love. Don't give up easily. Give each other a chance. If he can bear it any longer, he may be able to figure it out.
In life, no one can guarantee that he will not go wrong. To restore the original, this must have its rationality. You don't have to blame yourself too much. You just love the wrong person. You are not a criminal. You don't have to treat yourself as a sinner to atone for him. You have the right to be respected. You can refuse his unreasonable request and dare to say no loudly. The attitude of atonement and flattery will make him look down on you even more and believe that you have failed him, which is not conducive to his coming out.
"Marriage is a dance for two", but one person who wants to dance well must not dance well. Set a time limit for yourself. If he can't forgive, he will divorce decisively. It's not worth paying for the past with his children and his own happiness.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
