Post Date December, 03 2023
Similar arguments can also be seen everywhere in life. Sometimes, friends chat passionately in the first second, and then argue over whether the United States should fight Iraq in the next second; The whole family goes to the park in harmony in the morning, and in the afternoon, they argue over who will take the children and who will cook... However, careful people can easily see that these arguments and heated debates are nothing more than minor matters of family background and entertainment gossip. Even if there are "major events", they are mostly unrelated to their own interests. When encountering real big things that require decision-making, such as discussing work plans, deciding where to find employment after graduation, and discussing when to have children, the atmosphere has changed. The person who just talked loudly immediately shut up and even agreed because they were afraid of "causing trouble".
From a psychological perspective, most people argue to meet their psychological needs for self-esteem, obtaining self satisfaction and a sense of achievement through the recognition and admiration of others. Therefore, when encountering small topics with confidence in "winning", one naturally hopes to "showcase" them. Even if you lose, there will be no loss. In addition, Chinese people have always been good at "saving face", and when they have disagreements with others, it is easy to be driven by vanity to firmly score high. But when encountering things with a high 'risk coefficient', the fear of failure, fear of making mistakes, and fear of being laughed at by others are at work again, making people willing to say nothing and not be hurt. In addition, saying small things wrong will not cause trouble; If the big decision is wrong, the responsibility will be too great. The avoidance mentality of being afraid of taking responsibility makes many people choose to remain silent. The more events are involved, the easier it is to lack confidence. It is this kind of ambivalence that has created the "double faced" of "arguing over small things and not saying a word about big things".
In the book "The Doctrine of the Mean", it is said that "a gentleman is a person who is harmonious and does not flow", small things should be "harmonious", and big things should be "not flow". If you want to have a long-term relationship with people, the virtues of humility and politeness of being gentle, respectful, and frugal are essential. Therefore, on the one hand, we need to understand how to get along harmoniously with others, be good at getting along harmoniously with various people, and maintain a good public image and interpersonal relationships; Present your own opinions and reasons, remind each other and learn from each other, instead of being sharp and revealing like a "thorn in the head". On the other hand, one cannot unconditionally succumb to the trend and abandon their own opinions and principles. When encountering injustice or kindness, do not tolerate them simply because they are elders, superiors, or friends. Instead, uphold your own character and integrity, and maintain personal independence. In short, 'hold things with a big belly and stand firm with your heels to be a person'. When faced with small things, it is difficult to be confused, and when faced with big things, it is only by staying clear that one can gain long-term recognition and respect.
(Intern Editor: Liu Ruichang)
