Post Date December, 03 2023
My wife and I got married in March this year after knowing each other for seven months. Although I wanted to have sex with her many times before marriage, I didn't ask too much because of her refusal, so I resisted to sleep with her until after marriage.
However, the problem occurred when I shared the room with her. I remember that on the night of my wedding, I drank too much wine and was a little nervous for the first time, so I didn't know whether it was because my action was too rude or because I broke her bra. Anyway, I just untied her bra and she grabbed me for a while. I didn't have any preparation, and I didn't wait for my reaction, She has scratched three bloodstains on my face.
You know, my face was caught and I couldn't hide it, so my family knew about it. In their eyes, I was the kind of honest person, especially my sister, who loved me most and never let others bully me. So she was very angry when she knew this, so she went to talk to my wife. The two people didn't talk very well. On the contrary, my wife felt that I was a poor man and liked to talk to others about everything, so I coaxed her to be happy. I didn't know what to say except this. But no matter how I please her, she just won't let me touch her. I couldn't help coming by force, but she scratched me again.
The next morning she felt very regretful. She took the initiative to find me before I woke up, and we had our first relationship. Then she said that she would never scratch me again, or else she would not leave her nails, so that she would not be hurt if she scratched. Although she did not resist this time, I could feel that she was not happy at all, as if her expression was very painful. So from then on, I felt that she was mentally ill.
After that successful sexual affair, we became a real couple. She can basically accommodate me to everything in bed, but I just feel that I'm missing something. I don't know how to describe that feeling. Anyway, from the beginning to the end, I felt that I was busy alone, and she didn't cooperate at all. Now that we have been married for nearly three months, I still feel abnormal in that respect. Later, she also scratched me twice, and once she kicked me under the bed before I finished, which made me particularly depressed.
I have also checked some information about my wife on the Internet. According to the information, I guess she may still be mentally handicapped. Things like childhood may make her look like this. Another said that there was a problem with her possible orientation, but I believe she still has no problem in this respect. Shall I talk to her once and tell her what I think? How can I talk about it?
Reply:
There may be two reasons:
First, I basically agree with your judgment on her psychological barriers;
Obviously, your wife has a certain degree of resistance to marital intercourse, and when you take the initiative, her reaction is particularly extreme. Based on this situation, the sky will always be blue, which is mostly a psychological shadow, but we can't guess exactly what it is. We need you to slowly establish a close relationship with her in the future life and gain her full trust.
In fact, you have made mistakes in the previous processing. On your wedding night, when you first find her abnormal behavior, you should be aware of it. You should never admit it in front of your family, let alone let your sister find her. This, on the contrary, deepened her psychological barrier to marital intercourse. Then, at the second time, you forced to come again, which is undoubtedly another strengthening signal for her psychology. In fact, men should coax women, not only before marriage, but also after marriage, coaxing her to have sex with you, coaxing her to trust you, coaxing her to believe you as God, all of which are men's abilities.
Second, you have not formed a completely close relationship of mutual trust between husband and wife.
You know each other through blind date, and the time of knowing each other is not long, and the marriage is only due to the urging of both parents, so from the emotional basis, your relationship is not strong, and subconsciously, there is no complete mutual trust between hearts.
It is suggested that you should calm down your mind first and care for her as much as possible. When she is not happy or refuses you, you should be tolerant. It is better to be prepared to love first and then have sex, rather than be influenced by the idea of having sex after marriage, especially during the honeymoon.
I believe that as long as you really establish a mutual trust and intimate relationship between husband and wife, she will be willing to cooperate with you to slowly change the status quo even if she has psychological problems. On the contrary, if you are impatient, even if you want to bully her, it may deepen her psychological problems, and even form her real frigidity, which will affect your long-term marital life and marriage quality.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)
