Post Date December, 03 2023
According to data, marriage researchers in several major cities in China conducted a survey of 601 couples. When asked, "Do you love your lover?" Only 11% of them thoughtlessly replied, "Yes.".
From a male perspective, what is the crux of this worrying situation?
In some marriages and relationships, the emotions of a young man begin to decline from the day he gets married. "He trembled nervously, showing anxiety and confusion, and therefore tried to escape reality.". Some people will tell a young man who is about to become a groom that the fear before marriage is normal, that it is necessary to be mentally prepared and strive to overcome it.
"Family and friends may give a vague explanation of his inner thoughts and activities that can lead to guilt, such as," You're afraid of approaching women and assuming obligations. "" You're not willing to shoulder the burden of life. "" You're not willing to give up your personal freedom. "" You're a sign of immaturity. "". Then they will comfort him and say, "You will definitely overcome these fears and confusion, and you will slowly mature in the process of overcoming them.".
The word "fear", which leads to guilt, is often used to explain men's resistance and negative emotions. It is like a banner or a call to battle, successfully inspiring men to bravely accept severe tests and overcome difficulties to show their fortitude. In this way, he suppressed his secret and true emotional needs. From then on, when he tried to overcome the strong reactions caused by fear and resistance, he not only achieved nothing, but left hidden dangers for the breakdown of his marriage.
When a marriage relationship is on the verge of collapse and has actually reached an irreversible point, these repressed resistance emotions can flood the floodgates of emotions. Only then did he recall his old emotions and realize the real reason for his resistance. Before that, however, most of his energy had been spent suppressing, overcoming, and rationalizing his dissatisfaction.
Just as he ignored the call of his inner emotions on his wedding day, he continued to ignore his true emotions in order to maintain a marriage relationship. When he feels upset, he will endure it and let it go.
During the day, even if he is unwilling, he should call his wife from the office because he feels that his wife has this requirement. On weekends, he has to cook, run errands, repair, and then sit in front of the television completely passively, trying to play a competent husband and father. When he and his wife are socializing with other couples, he has to play the role of a hospitable host or likeable guest, when in fact he has no interest in it.
When he does not have sexual desire requirements, he may be panicked and begin to doubt whether his sexual function is normal, while trying to overcome his "oligosexuality.". Sometimes I don't want to go home after work, but in order to fulfill my husband's responsibilities, I have to reluctantly go back, even when I get home feeling unhappy, depressed, and silent.
Therefore, many of his actions are against his heart, just to meet his need to overcome, deny, and embellish negative emotions, which inevitably makes marriage a heavy burden, leading to its eventual breakdown. Only then did he allow his pent up anger to erupt.
