Post Date December, 03 2023
My boyfriend and I have been engaged and in a relationship for five years. Two months ago, I discovered that he had cheated on me and had been living with a girl for three months. When I learned about this, my heart ached and I didn't know what to do? I broke up with him last month. Two days ago, he came to me and said he had broken off with that girl, but I found that his QQ space had many photos of them together, and his phone was set with a password. Don't let me touch his phone. Last night we had a fight, and I said if it weren't for you coming to me, I wouldn't be with you anymore. Since I really like that girl, why would she still come to me? He said he didn't give him the engagement money of 20000 yuan just to avoid breaking up with him. But then we got together again. In the years when I didn't know he betrayed me, I loved him so much. We had also split and closed several times, all because he was too promiscuous. I just didn't know that he openly betrayed me by my side this time and kept it from me. I don't trust him anymore, and I know he hasn't broken up with that girl. I don't know if he's with me right now, because he's afraid that I might break up with him and not return his engagement deposit.
He was spoiled by his mother. His mother was too supportive of him. He had no stable job and could not endure hardship. When he had no money, his mother said I was too stingy and said I would not use it for him. Now I don't trust him anymore. My heart is broken. I want to find a good boy to marry again. But when I truly let go of a relationship that has been going on for so long, I can't let go of it. I am a nostalgic person, and I don't know what to do about this relationship? I'm so confused and at a loss, it hurts to think of it.
Weiqing Consultant:
Firstly, habits do not represent love. I can see that you are a softhearted person and also a nostalgic girl. Unable to give up a relationship, unable to give up a boyfriend who has been in love for many years, after all, you have been together for six or seven years. During these two thousand or so days, you have been together day and night, without love, there are still emotions, and there is even a habit of being inexplicable and unclear. You have become accustomed to the other person's presence, their every move, and the interaction and communication between you. However, habits do not necessarily represent love, nor do they necessarily guarantee a happy marriage between you and him in the future.
Listen to me, your current reluctance and sadness are not because you deeply love him, nor because his excellence attracts you, but because you have unconsciously become accustomed to this man and every bit of him by your side.
Secondly, what you can't let go of is your own face and implicit reluctance. Thinking that everyone around you knows the fact that you are together, knowing that you are already engaged and about to enter marriage, but now suddenly confessing that the world has "broken up", you must be unable to accept such a result.
In your opinion, since we have been in love for so long, it is natural to be married as the best answer. But I want to tell you that falling in love does not necessarily mean getting married, whether it's a brief relationship or years of love. If the other person is not your cup of tea, being together with such people is like binding a couple, and there is no happiness at all. Perhaps you feel that seven years of youth have been wasted, and there are several years in life where menstruation can afford to pass. Isn't giving up easily a loss? But, if you think about it again, it would be much better to identify a man who is unfaithful to his relationship in seven years than to trade decades of time for a lifetime of pain! Morality has a bottom line. A man who can't control himself before marriage, do you still expect a marriage certificate to lock the marriage?
Finally, this boy may be the type of person who is not suitable for marriage to others (to be frank with me). If, as you said, his mother spoils him too much, if so, it may be a little difficult for a child growing up in this way to expect him to be very independent and diligent. Due to the lack of a family space for self healthy growth, people in their twenties nowadays have never had a stable job because they cannot endure hardship.
Finally, I would like to say that understanding someone before marriage is of great significance for marriage!
