Post Date December, 02 2023
A few months ago, when we went to the cinema, he took the initiative to hold my hand; Every day, he would send LINE to say good morning to me and care if I was full; Every night before going to bed, he would always tell me that he missed me very much; Whether it's gathering with friends, eating dinner alone, or just returning home after working overtime, we will share our current situation with each other, even what we eat and do, all these trivial matters are very clear; He will immediately praise every FB post I post, and even when I go out alone with other heterosexuals, he will show jealousy; Last month, we kissed for the first time, went to bed for the first time... are we together?
When I couldn't help asking him, are we friends? He was silent for a moment. He said, isn't it good for us to do this now?
I had decided not to have this ambiguous relationship, but I was caught in the dilemma of wanting to love but not daring to love, wanting to leave but unable to resist him. What was he thinking?
Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? I wonder if you/you have experienced these relationships and have the same questions? Ambiguous for so long, why don't you want to settle down? What is he resisting?
Or am I not good enough to make him promise his relationship? In that case, why should he have intimate behavior with my boyfriend and girlfriend?
The above situations are called love-like relationships, which are both like lovers but not lovers, and love-like relationships can be divided into the following four situations:
1. Excessive ambiguity:
Others think you are together, of course you want to, but he said it's not good for us now?
2. Sleeping with friends:
It is defined as a friend, but you have done everything that lovers will do. You have kissed, held, and slept. The relationship in bed has occurred many times, but you have not promised.
3. Post-breakup dependency:
It's no different when we are still together after breaking up. You want to get back together, but he thinks it's good to maintain this relaxed and ambiguous relationship
4. Underground romance:
He said that feelings are a matter of two people and do not need to be disclosed; You never hold hands in front of others, but call each other your closest friends. But in the middle of the night, I can't help thinking - will he have other good friends besides me?
No matter which of the above four types you are, we can't help but have the following doubts.
If I cross the border and step forward, can we still be so close?
If you are overly ambiguous:
Teacher Hattie Bear believes that in such a relationship, the two people are actually interdependent. On the surface, the one who is unwilling to commit is more like a bad person, but in fact, both of them are eager but afraid of real intimacy. For the person who wants to be together, this special relationship type satisfies part of the desire, such as the pursuit in instability; For the person who resists being together, if he really makes a commitment, he may have psychological pressure to face conflict or be hurt. The two parties in a love-like relationship are like dancing a dance of two without tacit understanding. The combination of several permutations that start together by the Escaper and Trapped may be the dodger vs the trap, the dodger vs the dodger, and more likely the state of the trap vs the trap.
If you are dependent after breaking up:
The situation of tangled pain but not willing to break down completely can be compared with the slippery slope - you on the left bank are the original you: you are in the state of loneliness, sadness, anger and denial of the truth of breaking up; On the right bank, you have a new look: full of forgiveness, trust, freedom and love. After breaking up, you want to be new, but you can't climb the steep and slippery slope. However, when you want to return to the original way of life, the other party doesn't want to get back together, so you swing between the two. After all, it is too difficult to become new, and it is relatively simple to maintain the original way. Therefore, after breaking up, there are usually four states: self fall into, self withdrawal, contradiction repetition, and subsequent loss. When you see something, you still think of the other party, I thought I was better, but I was still affected... But it doesn't matter, Mr. Hattie Bear revealed that he doesn't think much of his predecessor about half a year on average, hahaha! So let's give ourselves half a year of healing!
So why can't the seemingly love relationship be separated?
Maybe it's not willing, maybe it's reluctant, maybe it's worried that there will be no next store to make do after the village (no fish, no shrimp); And the status of Gougoudi with his ex-boyfriend is more because the person who is attached to him usually thinks that no one knows him better than his ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend and is lazy to cultivate another relationship.
However, the fox said: You spend so much time on the rose that it becomes important.
When we spend too much time and energy on the love-like relationship, the more we worry about it, the more we can't leave it. Your indulgence is more than his, and the reason why you are willing to indulge is that this is the best option at present.
